Tuesday

Not knowing that I know what I know, Nabal is trying to lay it on thick. "No one but you baby. 7 years is nothing to the 23 we have together. I can't be the man I should without you. I don't blame any of this on you. You don't want me anymore. You're going to throw us away. I drink because I'm bored without you in my life. Do you like your kids? Do you like me? Can you just be my friend. We should stay together as friends. My heart is breaking here. Come back to me, let me prove myself. I tried to stop drinking, but can't without you."

On the other hand:
This wasn't all me, I f-ed up but you f-ed up to you know- bad. You need to stay home and I'll take care of everything. I know you went through my phone...I know you used to. You never loved or cared for me. If you did goes could you do this to me. Never have I ever had any other woman. (He did not inhale, nor did he have sex with that woman- haha)

I was listening between the lines. (lies) He was getting angry but calming himself. That happened whenever his well rehearsed dialogue didn't make me give in. Even repent my 'meanness' towards him. Mean equals any time I stand up for myself. Anytime I don't swallow his lies hook, line and sinker. Mean is anything that goes against what he wants.

I'm kinda afraid right now. I think when he finally believes me, he'll flip. I'm just not sure at what point he'll believe me. When he will finally believe his cajoling really won't some day change my mind. I fear for the kids. I fear for myself.

God please protect us. He asked flat out if there was any chance that I'd 'be his wife again' ever. I told him clearly- no. I fear.

He apologized for being over jealous... I think, he's in some way apologizing for that Mary incident,  not to her but to me. Maybe he feels as long as he apologizes to some woman...it counts.

I heard him come in tonight. Maybe, just maybe, he wants to be put out so he can say truthfully that he was. To play on the next's sympathies. He sounded pretty happy- running around giggling to himself.