Let's Play Pretend...

Let's pretend we are one big happy family. Let's pretend that if only I would 'act' normal everything else would fall in line. Let's pretend that Nabal gets caught in a string of lies, laughs quietly when caught, somehow manages to turn it all around to me. Oh. I don't have to pretend, that really happened. Making up stories and when called on them came up with some imagining of his from when he first met. I even gave him ammunition, them buried him with it. Told me years ago, and brought it up all the way along, he caught some guy peeping on me. Came in, gave me he news then laid into me for somehow leading whoever it was on. I called him on it. Why since he's so macho didn't he confront the guy, why did he try to accuse me? "Oh, I didn't see the guy one of our roommates saw him. I never saw the guy!" So why accuse me? "You don't know how I was raised. I have been trying to grow out of these things that run through my mind." Big whoop! Your mom's a slut, so therefore I should be? If I'm not, yo invent a scenario in which I am? Let's pretend that if you try to touch me and try to whisper sweet nothings..... then say..... "So, tonight we make sex?" If you keep saying yes it will come true? Click your heels Dorothy. I am so incredibly mad. Just because he's decided that he's done texting. (I guess) Just because he's decided that he's not going to leave. (after telling me over, and over, and over again that he would) He looks at me with some boyish grin heaved up from somewhere and asks, "Deep down you knew that I love you and always have?" Well more states as in tries to force feed me his crap. I so wish I had the money to tell him to get out whenever he pleased. I'm getting there but none too fast. I sleep in another room now because I got tired of being groped while I was asleep. He's tried to 'order' me back, to no avail. He's tried begging. Now he's on to trying sexy. But the one stipulation whether said or simply by consent to 'make sex.' In his mind I would be admitting that everything is in fact my fault and my 'straightening up' would cure all our ills. Last night he said, "But you know I need you." Yes I do. That's it. He needs me to do his paper work, to take his accusations, whatever else he wants to dodge. You don't love a crutch beyond what you need it for. His ass is planted here until he finds an acceptable substitute. I'm still stuck until I can break all the ties that bind us together. He's the hurt lost boy whose upbringing has forced his thought patterns.I'll never understand, therefore he does not need to even try to explain. This, all after he was backed into a corner. Lies exposed for what they were were handled as: you got me, glad that's all out in the open and we can move on. Move on my ass! Adele says it best. 'Funny how you love me now I don't need you.' I could alleviate all this by getting my business off the ground... Focus and perseverance. That which he tries to interrupt at every turn. Actually said the other night that I should only focus only on his business and his things then things would go better. Funny how everything eventually winds back around to being my fault.

Mr. Slushy last night called a friend to ask could he store his stuff. He 'offered' to take the children. Still gets to me. So, create your own reality and start living it. Get one person alone for long enough and you may convince them that they are crazy and your reality really is...

Sunday

Ha! Found her. Nabal's phone no longer has Isela's number. Ohhhh, new name! GU. So CM & GU. Father's Day- commercials for the last few weeks have been telling us to 'Give dad what he deserves, for all that he does.' I decided to be nice and just do what everyone else does.

Haven't written much lately. I've been on my phone and I think of typing on the little keyboard and pass. So, Nabal has started buying Nyquil to take every night. He can't sleep. He drinks or nyquils every night to sleep.