Saturday

Such a good day! Worked all last week and the check is real livable numbers! There is one thing I am putting together and locking in place: Nabal gets nicer the more I work. Soooo, when I was at his financial mercy it was alright to treat me any kind of way. Threaten me with his leaving every 5inutes. Now it looks like I'm doing well he's threatening me with never leaving... How unstable is that? So to add joy to my night he passed out by 9! Yesterday was grueling in retrospect. Today not so bad, but still taxing after yesterday. In the kitchen I was shooing out a hornet and Nabal under the guise of helping was playing touchie feelie. Sonorous of myself just kept shooing and told him to stop touching me. Then he wanted me to come. Sit with him. Never in all these years until recently have I ever been invited. It uses to be that I'd sit and he would be in TV world, never noticing anything. I had to go out and get cat food and by the time I got back he was passes out! Haven't gone in his phone in ages. Today it was out, he was passed out, and a little voice told me to look. Pay dirt! July 24 he texted Mary Sim. Just her saying she was back from lunch. His whole side of the conversation? Whipped out. This is why I'm done. I forgave him the first time I caught him at all the texting and asking out. He cried, told me about his crappy childhood. We wept. Then a few days later I find out he hadn't missed a beat. Confronted him again- he repented to my face; got that much more sneaky. Confronted him a butt load of times. He just got progressively sneakier. I'd set him up to see how much he'd lie and he would come up with whoppers! Or blame me even middle of his whopper. When blown out of the water- he's smile, giggle, avert his eyes and change the subject. Usually to something he was blaming me for whether on or off topic. He's not repentant. And guess what? He doesn't have to be, but I don't have to put up with it either. He said in real words that Mary played him so now he's back or that Isela is happily married and not leaving. (plus he is friends with her husband's family. Snicker, snicker) The first chickie that takes him up on his offer? He'll be gone so fast and telling me how it's all my fault. I'm not being mean and hit him before he leaves. I'm done and don't need to wait to be left or used. He is definitely bidin his time, let him get a little bit of money... It will all work out in the end. I have plans to live solitary yet filled with people again. A wellness clinic that people will travel to be treated. I have plans, but we'll see what God has in mind.

Thursday

Nabal was in rare form today. Out of money and all the checks he was counting on we're not around. He asked me to loan him $350 hours. Like I have it! I just remember him borrowing ten thousand at a time to keep his company afloat, promising to pay it back and never quite getting around to it. When I do get my checks they will all have to go to renew my professional license. He comes in the kitchen while I'm cooking, "So you're sleeping with me tonight right?" Me: No! He try's for a kiss because I'm kinda trapped while frying fish. I told him repeatedly to leave me alone. He kis my arm, I'd wipe it off. How 6th grade.. Then he wanders off under his breath saying, "I can't understand why you won't sleep with me." then comes back and says, "Just this once. Sleep with me just this once." While printing off some bid papers for him he tries to corner me and kiss me. Does me really think that I am so distracted that I would suddenly loose my mind, so wrapped up in what I'm doing that I'd forget the last 5 years!?! Then he tried to hug me and when I pulled away I felt the slightest insistence in his grasp. He really needs to think before he steps across that line... His road trip with the abusive pastor went all wrong. His wife's parents didn't get thru immigration until 5am. They talked and the jerk wants to start his own church... Says he learned from the other church. He wants Nabal to join him... Nabal said no, then under his breath said he was going to start his own. Nabal mentioned he was going to try a real church here in town. Of course Noel didn't like that or them. Actually said all the bad people went there... Aren't we glad he doesn't decide who is getting into heaven! They are two sides of the same coin. Liars, abusive controls, and God users. Yes Gos users, they use God like things to deceive and stroke their egos by controlling simple people trained from birth to revere the clergy to the point of making them demigods, at times giving them more adulation than God. Making egotistical monstrosity where there should be humble servants. They forget how they will be judged...

Wednesday: Nabal's Antics

Where do I begin... Tonight he's not drunk, he's accompanying the pastor who domestically abuses his wife to pick up said wife's parents at the airport about 2 hours away. All dresses for church and butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Come asking me for a goodbye kiss. Told him no and to leave me alone! Our girl was going to the next state over about 2.5 hours away. I personally think its good for the kids to get away, see and visit with friends. Nabal on the other hand wanted to know why she had to leave and visit other people. I'm thinking this speaks to his need to possess and control. She was visiting another young lady and her family, not some people you wouldn't want your kids around. Poor girl sits here in her room, works and goes to the same few places there are here in this rut of a town. Actually said it to her face, "Why does she have to go visit there?" What a jerk! I knew in that moment how I got so isolated...he won't deny you doing something or going some place, what he will do is whiningly register his displeasure. Which will make you think twice the next time you get a notion to go somewhere or see someone. Last week I was talking on the phone to a lifelong girlfriend who I don't see much. Nabal came down to the basement stinking drunk. I mean stinking, could smell h in the kitchen halfway up the basement stairs... He starts a conversation even though he sees I'm talking on the phone. I told h I'd come up later to get rid of him. Then he asks who I'm talking with. I replied an old friend. He demands, "Name?" Me: Excuse me? Nabal: "Name?" Me: "No one you would know." Nabal: "What's the name?" I finally got tired and named the woman I was talking to. Bad mistake on Nabal's part... My friend is a cop and heard it all! He really thinks he knows me, he knows the me he has invented so he can justify his treatment... I'm just a stand in for whoever he has in his head. The other day he was complaining again how he hadn't eaten all day. (broken record..) I asked him why he didn't buy something. Says he's broke, al the time broke! Funny he has enough money for as many 6 packs as he wants. But never enough for real food for lunch... Nabal screwed up his lie about living in another zone so the kids could go to school on another zone. My oldest graduated and at the time there were slots for the other to go to their school from our house. No takers. The kids don't understand at times why I don't want to deal with Nabal. Well, he set it all up and somehow screwed it all up. He had to fix it, was whining and hinting that I should figure out a way to do it for him. Prove he lived elsewhere... Complained he'd have to take off work. He finally did go and used that to complain about why he had to: go without eating, not finish a job, drive and spend gas. His lie. I never did like the idea. But he does create messes and drama then find ways for me to fix it for him. then complains how it's done... I'm done with his messes...and drama

Tuesday

Yesterday was Nabal's birthday. Beer started flowing with lunch. He finally came in late and we had a cake. I relented was going to ignore his like he ignored mine, but can't be heartless. He performed... Poured beer over his cake but passed out before he could eat it. Kids had a joke about cutting out the Bud Light logo and putting it on the cake. again he was talking about how the boy could fight roosters. I got heated! It's cruel, it's illegal! They put people in jail. He fires back, "It's not illegal...for Mexicans!" Laughing all the while... He went on as if jail were a fun place. I stopped, wondering why I was arguing with a drunk. Don't do that. Founds out Nabal has been getting the rooster drunk. I guess when there's no one else to drink with.... Today he dressed in his Sunday best, sat pouring over his bible then stayed home. He is a confused little man.

Sunday

So tired of Nabal. Drunk as almost always. My boy I think is becoming a carbon copy of Nabal. He's surely, he's knocking holes in his walls. Tonight I hear Nabal talking to the boy about the merits of fighting roosters... Drunk and stupid. When questioned he claimed my girl and I had misunderstood then tried to. Hangs the subject. Later Nabal comes stumbling in and said, "Don't I have the right. Every time I go out the house those people are on the porch. Every time I come in still out there." it's their porch! They are neat, quiet and don't bother anyone. I wasn't sure what he was about to do... I replied that the next door neighbors maybe got sick of him sitting under the tree drinking every day under their porch. He got indignent saying I was the only one who had a problem with his drinking... Well, at least he forgot the people across the street. Work is picking up, but not fast enough! Going for training soon then maybe it'll pi k up some with some more credentials.

Tuesday

Finally got to work on the downstairs pipes. What a mess! I haven't sweated pipes in years. Over 20! But, I still got it! No leaks except an old fitting. Had to rip out just about everything.

Nabal

Monday

We are still without water. At least today he did the work without drinking... He used to know how to sweat copper but he no longer remembers. Kept cutting pieces and adding couplings. Finally at 11 he took it all to pieces and tried to cap it off. It still leaks... I have been putting off stepping in. I haven't done that work for well over 20 years. I looked up how it's done to refresh my memory. I tried to nicely tell Nabal where he was going wrong. Nabal kept saying there was something wrong with the solder, the pipes, the couplings. Never even considered that he was doing it all wrong. He was using the torch to melt the solder on a cold pipe. Tomorrow I'll get it done. Damn, a waste of copper...

Sunday

Just a bad week, but good for work. Bad storm knocked the power out for just short of a day. In that day Nabal did come thru with a generator for the fridge. The kitchen sink has been backing up no matter what I did. When we first got here the pipe downstairs had to be cut and the line cleaned. I got home from work and he had the kitchen dismantled. I knew it wasn't going to be fine because he was drinking. The clean out is in the Laundry room, in the basement. That was torn up... There is a godawful black stain on the white wall where the pipe is. He didn't move all the clothes. Pulled the clothesline down. (by accident) had tools laid on clothes an had used a white skirt to wipe his hands. The last time he and his brother worked in the laundry room he worked over clothes and destroyed some of our food clothes. He never gives warning so I can move things around. Well, he didn't finish. Toda, round two... Went to the hardware store at least 6 times. almost had it all finished when he cut the water line... Went back to the store, which was probably closed. The whole house is now cut off. Yes, 3 people and no running water. Now, tomorrow they will be working on the sewers. Yeah... No water. No sewer. It will only be Monday... That makes 3 weeks? With only 2-3 sober days. My daughter said today that I don't do friends. She is probably right. I'm not good company. I've reached a point where alone is preferred. Hard to have friends when Nabal finds something wrong with everyone. Hard to find friends when I can't seem to stop myself when I get around grown ups to talk to. Jars to find friends when I just don't get into the conversations most women talk about. I guess I'm a confirmed loner. I use to make friends pretty easily, maybe I've just given up...