Thursday

Home again, home again, jiggity jig. My first clue that the resident drunk was indeed in his cups was the garage door standing open...and not a soul was around.

Thursday evening: Nabal tells me that his phone had been cut off. Which? His smart phone, with which he has a month to month plan. This its his first month with it. I don't know anything about it, not even his carrier. So I say, "Well, so pay it." His reply, "I don't wasn't to." Off he goes and passes out.

He claimed to have no idea that the house phone had been cut off a few weeks ago.... Long conversation...  Ha! That i wrote down! I'm not sure he remembers things. Where does head games end and alcohol brain begin?

Tonight he asked me if he looks fat...
Seriously...! I said no, he said he'd been thinking of not eating any more. (alcohol brain or game?) Never connects his beloved beer to any problems...anywhere...in anyone. Yes, she its truly his beloved- the only blameless entity...

Friday

Nabal has the pastor bug again... If he its to be believed an old acquaintance he meet way back when called. Seems the gentleman is now in charge of Spanish ministries in North America for COG and was checking to see how the local church was faring. Nabal sadly had to tell him it had been reabsorbed into the local English church. They lamented. Nabal told him a tale of woe: How he, Nabal, had tried to save the little church that could. How he had preached and how the people loved him..., but people higher than he had decided that they needed a more experienced pastor. (enter the lady pastor) The overseer assured Nabal that he had his blessing to reignite the little church and continue using the same name. Build it back up! But what was holding Nabal back? "Well sir...its my wife. She's not with me anymore. She went to a different church. She its a little odd. She separates herself. She sees things differently than other people. I can't make a church without her..." (sigh and lament) Nabal claims at this point the man assured him he could and indeed should win said odd wife back. Oh, you mean he agreed it wasn't your excessive drinking...with the new converts that its holding you back? Ha! Caught you discrediting me! Ahh clever...showing me what you will, and probably already have been telling people.

At the end of his sad tale he turns to me and asks: Are you with me?

First question: Did God tell you to start a church? Don't you think you need to get yourself together some before you even consider?

Nabal sputters- I can either be pastor, with you with me, or a drunk. You say I did something to you, but everything is your fault. If you were with me (he means allowing anything he wants- being agreeable) none of this would have happened. He kept repeating his complete innocence and my complete fault... For the marriage, for his church failing, for frigid weather-you name it...all my fault.

In between this he went between saying he was leaving, to pretending to fall and trying to grope me. Of course he was so drunk he may have been just making the best of his instability. He found a house he wants to buy. Am I with him? As stated before I want out of this area. Its far up in the mountains, yet still in the area. "The children need the move." All that would do is make getting to work difficult.

I've heard Nabal has our kids and their friends buy weed for him... And he finances theit's. Yes a proper alcoholic will even usher his own children into using. 1) So they can point at someone else worse of than themselves. 2) So he can eventually blame me for them all.

So I have no idea if the whole conversation with the overseer is truth, or a finely crafted tale to further his agenda of getting me to cave in. I'd guess its a little of both...

It did not go unnoticed how Nabal describes me. Like I'm maybe a bit unbalanced... Emotional abuse 101, discredit any who oppose our try to leave.

Next morning he comes downstairs and wants to know where his phone is. Told him he'd never had it out the night before. Now he was drunk off his butt, thus could have lost it anywhere before our after! He kept demanding from me is whereabouts since he'd been sitting down here. Later in the afternoon he asked if I'd located his phone...Go buy me a new one! (why yes..it did sound like an order) I kinda love when I can't do something, something he caused through drunkenness, because of laws. I could no more switch his phones out than he has right to tamper with mine. Its illegal!

Later our boy tells me in the morning Nabal tells him to call his phone so he could find it. Nabal said this as he held his new smart phone in his hand... The boy asked why he didn't call it himself- I'm on Facebook. The incredulity of that passed across all our faces just before we burst out laughing.

Nabal, if nothing else, is a piece of work!

I found out from the woman who stayed at our house between apartments that Nabal is actually still as bad as he ever was. A story she remembered was Nabal telling of our sons birth. There were many people present and he spoke in English. He told of his birth and first nursing, and somehow made it into a tawdry joke about breasts, me, and my son. Where abusers will go is unbelievable...!

Why the destroyer tries to take everything? Year 4...I'm almost done here as the season is. Next stop, even more money. I think I'll head towards the larger city that's equal distance to coming to my current job. This job turned out to be money, but a dead end as far as anything else. I come from the metropolis, and I see myself heading back now. The next stop needs to be stable ground I can pull my kids out from.

Prayer- because God can do more in 2 minutes than I (or anyone) can do in 2 years. (or 4...)

On Paying Bills

I've been out of town. The house phone has been off a week. Not a soul paid it! The kids I'm going to show. Nabal...

Last week Nabal said he didn't know how to pay the phone bill. He figured out how to pay his bill for his cell phone! Said I'd need to show him how to pussy it...he didn't know where the office was. Why yes, we live in a place small enough to only have one phone office, on a main street, yet he can't find it.

So he wants me to hold his hand and take him? No...he just wants me to go do it! He doesn't even have to talk to anyone, the payment computer it's in Spanish and English.

Seems Nabal is into posting a 'studley' selfie a week on Facebook. Well hell, he figured out how to do that! He even 'liked' the pic he posted of the lady from Brazil. The one in which he said: one u bonita. (ie. Want you bonita) All his lady friends and relatives are telling him how handsome he is. It's the truth, the bottle had been kind to his face. I though, know him far too well to register it anymore. I've always been like that- bad behavior nullifies even the best looking in my sight. He'll probably be emboldened to find himself a lady friend and soon ride of into the sunset with her...if I'm lucky.

Yeah...I have got to do something to change my attitude and get a backbone. This has got to end, sooner than later, and I'm going to have to push it.

And explain to me how Nabal slides into every conversation: So you're going to sleep with me tonight right (funny I have to leave it punctuation-less as it's somehow said as a question and a statement of...I guess hopeful coercion.)

Thursday

Head games... Nabal has tried all weekend to convince me that I indeed did promise to spend 2 nights in a hotel with him. He tried first when he was drunk, that was expected. When he did the same sober (I assume) he raised the game to another level. Head games...

Nabal asked me why he wakes up some days and his arms and hand at numb... Why he tries to make me his doctor I'm not sure. Told him I didn't have a clue. I'm guessing it's something to do with his alcoholism, but if I link anything with that he denies any link. I no longer try, just tell him to see a doctor, which he won't. Now he may need an exam for his CDL license. It would involve a drug test...which he definitely would not pass.

The antics:

Just before I left our girl told me the story of a gamey package of meat in the refrigerator. It evidently sat out all night and day. It was back in the fridge when she got home from work- it had a grey green cast to it. That had been says ago. Is seen it also but Nabal throws a fit if I touch his stuff. I told get to throw it away. Like, before it killed someone. Enter Nabal, while throwing a bet bottle away. "Hey you threw my meat away!" I reminded him of it's history. He continued to grumble, so I told him take it our the yeah if he felt it was in error.
I thought he'd reached his low picking up food from the floor to use... He indeed fished it out of the trash, grumbling about cat good as he wiped the open package off. Then he cooked it!
The thing was we (the kids and I) had just gone out to eat. He was invited but something came up he just had to go do... In fact said I'd waited until he was busy.. He always wants me to skip church. He has always wanted me to blow off church in favor of him. Yet while he still attended would never consider missing his church.
I digress... We did bring him food home. He'd just thanked me for it because he'd just eaten it! I stopped at the store.

Drunk Facebooking:
Seems he has a new profile pic. Very close selfie. You know-trying to look man sexy! Lol!! The back story is that in the morning he had no memory of doing it nor did he know how to change it! His brothers kinda called him out on it. Then he was evidently trying to private message some woman...but instead shared get pictures on his timeline with pick up lines and all. Oh gosh...I howled! He's painting himself into a corner. He will be his own undoing.

Today while I was making bills for him, he tried to say he had given them to me Tuesday when he in fact gave them to me today. Then he tried Wednesday. Tuesday I never saw him-I went to see a good friend and introduce get to a relocating friend. 1.5 hours away. Wednesday I again never saw him- I worked, ate with my girl, them went to church- which leaves today. He told me I was losing my mind. Getting old and forgetful. Outright lying... Them fast forward and he says when I gave you those today. He changed the subject.

Drum roll please- he changed the subject to: "So, is there someone else? Do you have a boyfriend?" I didn't even get mad...just pathetic.

Oh yes! I would indeed need a boyfriend to fresh me away from such a charmer! Right?! Drinks practically every night. Chases women. Messed up the kids before I knew it. Almost 20 years of walking on egg shells. Never knowing what mood he'd be in, or what he'd like or dislike. Yeah...some pretty face must have turned my head alright! I mean, what girl would walk away from all that?!

When I came in the computer and monitor were cleared of the table. Why? To make room for his Bible study he started...

Such a lucky girl-
He said as he broke concrete with a jack hammer. "Gosh I'm strong! Is there anyone else who can be as strong as me? You are one lucky girl to have such a strong man!" Yes he was drunk talking. By the way I used to be pretty good at jack hammering, though couldn't touch the big one. He is so delusional...
He than explained to me how he'd finished off his 2 six packs. Would I take him to get another? Ah, no.

Tonight he offered to drive me to where I work, then come pick me up Monday. (He could barely stand!) It takes 2 hours, nit to mention that I drive to work each morning... He said: Ok, I'll walk back. I'm just trying to show how much I love you. Lol! (I couldn't help myself...)

I have come to realize that all we have left is Assn IRS marriage... Back taxes are the only thing keeping us in the same house...