So I'm not soul dead yet...I guess that's nice to know. The crazy wedding fiasco with Nadal running amuck trying to steal all the limelight while causing as much embarrassment as possible. Then explaining how everyone was just having a little fun, people are too uptight, it was all my fault. Yeah... In all that I found out there are still have some things that can hurt.
But on the whole, I've found out nothing bothers me anymore. I run my business, I care about my clients- but I really no longer have feelings for anybody to hurt. This year has wiped every last piece away. I've realized many people I know treat me well, but have found out they treat others horribly. Most wouldn't know truth if it smacked them around. I've just been disillusioned by people. One salt of the earth person ended up being back biting, pot stirring, and an out and out liar about themselves and others just too cause trouble.
This is my take on liars- they waste my time every time they speak. I know how to read better fiction, if that's what I want...
I'm just pretty much through. Work, workout, eat, sleep- because I must like, attract, prefer this kind of people.. How can I have friends when Nadal is like a millstone around my neck. How can I have friends when I've allowed my mind to be so damaged by this whole experience. How, when I feel like I'm living nowhere, with nothing. People with sense slowly fade away when I don't 'do something' so here I am. Alone is good, I've always been alone- an only child who grew up without other children around. Not just not in my home- none in my neighborhood either. We didn't have play dates back then. Maybe once in a blue moon a child would be watched while their parent ran an errand. Days alone with my dog. So alone is an old friend- who I'm happy with.
I'm just feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and disappointed in general. Forgive my whining and self pity. Just trying to kill the sadness and get back to not giving a damn about anything except- work, workout, eat, sleep and read a good book and knit something intricate and pretty. Lol, I keep seeing pictures asking could you live for a year without internet in a secluded home- um yeah. If I had the money I'd probably become a recluse at this point. Hell, I keep my stupid FB page open because it's connected to my business page and professional feeds. Let's just say most of my posts are professional and private. It's my big library. I can see why people become homeless- there, no one cares if your anti-social, heck it's kinda expected.
I'm just so sick of disingenuous humanity.
