Very Early Saturday

Nabal and our boy came in from working a job at about 1am The were driving 2 separate vehicles- Nabal could barely walk. They had a wall fall again. Not one of his, but an old wall they were reconfiguring. Things like this never used to happen. I'm betting it is because he is so consumed with alcohol and texting his 'girls' that he is not paying adequate attention to his jobs.

Well he started asking me why I was working. I said to help out until I graduate. He snorted and said, "You think I need you to help me pay for things?" Then he starts questioning me about why I'm in school because I was reading a trade article.He says, "You don't need to ever work." Then he got to his point. "So after you graduate and take you exams you'll be making big money and you won't need me anymore." Now he is going to try and fix his mouth to make it seem like I have gotten tired of him for no reason at all and he is going to make himself the martyr. That will e the story he will tell to all who will listen. So I had to answer him because he kept pressing me. I hate talking to alcoholics and know good and well not to talk to them about anything. So he kinda perked up and said, "So, you really want to do that." Don't tell me for years you are leaving, with every time the person spoken to withdraws a little bit of themselves. Finally there is simply no more. Everything is gone... He wants to be with at least Isela. I think Mary is just a pit stop on his way to her. Or he is practicing for his good Mexican marriage LOL. Actually I guess this would be his absolution from guilt, or make a better story for the ladies to feel sorry for him. Or maybe I messed up a story he's already told. This is also why I have not worked even after the children got old enough I have known deep down that if I ever became anywhere near self sufficient (or what others see as a 2 income family) Nabal would feel threatened. I have known for years that he wants and need all the attention. Hell the man is jealous of his own children. As long as everything I did was for him, he was happy. That's not necessarily true, because he started drinking and womanizing while I was not working. I stopped so many things because he saw them as being more of a focus then him. This is one of the same reasons he drinks, he has no interest. He makes fun of everything and everyone. I tried to take him to learn golf, and he liked it. Then he started drinking... We would all play softball then he started drinking and what little bit of family fun we started having ended.

Observations

How bad do you feel when you ask your kids in a tone that says someone is in trouble, "Who was eating oranges?" And they day dad. Orange peels around the trash can and most in. You know, when it comes to garbage... almost all does not count.

In our front yard, under the tree where Nabal sits with his 'friends' to drink is a flower pot that has 5-6 beer bottles, still in paper bags, sticking out. I joked that maybe they were waiting for the beer tree to grow...

The back seat of the little car is still filled with empty beer bottles. So no one wants to drive it.

I washed all the jeans. I got an ear full the other day for confusing jeans between Nabal and our boy. So asked him to separate his out. He took the pair he needed and left the rest. The boy pulled his. Thank you!

I haven't had time to match socks and put them away. Evidently neither does anyone else.

Nabal still comes in and makes food for himself and no one else.

Nabal, when he does do something around the house will broadcast it to everyone, He will play the martyr and make a big show.

He is still leaving all the lights and TV on when he is drunk, yet lectures me about electric any given day. I haven't even turned on the heat yet because I'm trying to save some money.

Yesterday evening Nabal came home I was doing some last minute studying because of the new job. He plugs his phone to charge then turns it off. I noticed because he has never done that before... He gets his clothes for his shower and grabs the phone and takes it with him. Wow, think he's got a few things to hide. So he took about 10 pictures of himself. I caught them because on this phone he can't find them. So I happened to be cooking dinner and on his way to the shower I heard him mumble, "Look at the food burning, and her and those stupid books." Well, the food didn't burn. I was letting the water evaporate off, but to be honest I was studying and did forget. Nabal said nothing to me or anyone else, and he didn't do anything himself to stop it. I think he would have been gleeful if dinner had burned. Then he comes back upstairs all smiling, "Dinner ready?" I had his plate for him... Jerk!

I'm sure Saturday night he is really going to go off the chain. I'll be out all night, party time. He can proposition his girl and no one will be watching. He couldn't care less about the kids. Next week is 3 months till I'm done school... And I'm very good at what I do. Lord be my helper I'll be making a very nice salary shortly after and hi can go on his merry way. My hours will be very flexible so no problem with the children. I just want to split the bills down the middle and be done. Isela here he comes, hope you're ready. My darling daughter graduates in 3 years and I'll be outa here! That is unless God has some different plans for us. The boy graduates next year.

Monday

I got a lot done today thank goodness! Around 2 or 3 Nabal came home with the protege and a guy he is having fix his truck. He came and went without a word. He called later and as sweet as pie he asked if I were busy. I was writing a paper so said yes, but what did he need. He asked if I had any money. I asked, "For what?" He needed gas... I said yes I did. He said ok, and hung up. I realized that it was time to go pick up the kids from school. So I left the money on the table by the door and left. He called just as I got there. "Where are you?" Like a house was on fire. He was so mad. He went home and not seeing my car thought I had gone to the bank then ran off to the gas station to wait. He needed the money immediately- he had a job to go look at. He was only going 2.15 miles from our home... And yes he ran out of gas... He was running around town and in all that time never took the time to go to the bank and put gas in his truck. He went on about every time he needed something... I hate dealing with the alcoholic mind. Our boy put a few dollars of gas in the truck the night before. This is the 3rd time he has run out of gas this year. Nabal is acting like a teen... Our boy is more responsible. Nabal ran my old blue car out of gas last week when his own truck was out of gas. Then he trashed it with beer bottles so the boy can't drive it. I found him, he parked the truck and walked up to the house. I gave him the money and he went to his truck. I stopped and asked if he had indeed run out of gas. He called his friend Hector and he was on his way.

As I was going out to school Nabal and the protege pulled up and Nabal had his obligatory 24oz bottle. I had cooked all but the steaks and told him, he answered very closed mouthed. I got home and nothing but what I fixed had been cooked. He ran to the kitchen and lied and said he had been trying to light the stove for 1/2 hour. He hadn't tried adding any fire... He cooked a piece of meat just for himself. Wasn't it just yesterday that he said he was going to have to do all the cooking this week? So our girl said she heard him on the phone. He was drunk and was talking in front of the child. She is 14 and not in the least stupid. She could hear that he was talking to a woman. "Yes she knows everything I do. I don't hide anything from her. So how about it. Ok... fine." Hung up and went on his merry way. The girl thought it was important enough to tell me. He was stumbling drunk when I got home. He ate and passed out on the sofa until our boy came in and the dogs woke him.

Nabal bellowed for me from the living room, "Did you send my phone off." I ran down the laundry list of things that had to be done that morning and he just turned his head never answering. Now that phone sat here for a week, the better part of it in his truck. Now he's going to ride me until 'I' send it off. Like any of this is my fault! Our girl told me he almost broke the loaner today. He dropped it and stepped on it... Drunks can't be trusted with anything of value.

I went into the downstairs bathroom just after Nabal took his shower and there was the radio knocked on the floor and left there. I had been wondering how things were getting knocked down in the bathroom and not being picked up... now I know

Sunday

So,church day, family day. Nabal gave attitude when I wasn't jumping up and down to go to his church. I had homework and was sleep deprived from his antics last night. He started in with a hilarious speech that I didn't seem to have time for anything and I needed to make a list of things that need to be done. He asked if he was to make dinner this week and from now on. Ok, reasons why this is so funny. There have been days where I have exams and he says, "I'll cook tonight." I get home and no dinner is anywhere in sight and he is either out or home drunk. He's going on about his truck payment, the money just hit the bank... He's been paying for 3 years? and still owes $14,000. He is awful at business deals, he always gets taken. Now he is sick- sneezing coughing. And wanting me to nurse him. He calls from his room, I'm lonely. I was doing wash and go in the room with clothes to put away. "Come on baby, time to go to bed." Life on a drunken cheater's terms is no life at all...

I caught up with Chilean Pablo at my church today and he was amazed at what he had seen. He wonders how I put up with it. I told him I'm just trying to finish school. He did tell me that Nabal smokes an inordinate amount of marijuana. That, he had noticed. He said he has tried to talk to him before and Nabal just jumps and starts talking about him smoking cigarettes and how no one at his church likes that. Nabal offered him a beer. This man is a recovered alcoholic and had a brother die from his drinking. He sees Nabal in a pattern just like his brother. His brother died within 6 months of drinking heavily.

Young Pablo is still in the hospital. Nabal lied that the boy doesn't want to leave because the place is so nice and they feed him... Oh, yeah a young L.A. gangsta 20 something dead eyed man happy to stay in the psyche ward... Nabal is absolving himself of any guilt for sure. Funny I heard a phone message from him now instead of helping in some tangible way, he was some kinda pissed that the all powerful Jefe couldn't spring him and was spouting a bunch of God stuff at him. Nabal said today that they are giving him the pills to stop him from drinking. Funny we live very near a big university hospital that researches these very drugs. Pablo told him about the research and free treatments they offer. Nabal proclaims that he does not need anything and can stop any time he wants. He just sees no reason to stop.

After so many lies the lines between reality and fantasy become blurred...

Saturday

And he's off!!! Nabal came in all smiles went into our room and closed the door behind himself. Just him, his bottle and his phone. Our boy told me that he had already been through a 6 pack about 15 minutes after he got home. Chilean Pablo stopped by and Nabal went to his car. I assume to fix something in it. He is the only church person who knows and he is trying to help. He was an alcoholic himself and lost one of his brothers to it, but this is a man Nabal considers stupid... so he won't listen to anything hi says. The good point was that he left his phone in the house and had left a draft on it. It said, "XLounge." A dance place and bar downtown. So, if he ever gets there.. I'm calling my girls in and have them go down and take pictures.

He barked orders for our girl to come hook up the radio so he could listen to the always drunk Mexican Vicente Hernandez... He wanted head phones and complained when all she had were her teddy bear head phones. He closed the door behind her. Later he came out and looked through the kids Spanish/English dictionary. Knew he was texting Mary. I waited a while and went in 'to get glasses for the dishwasher' and had the phone out. Too drunk to snap it shut. I had to be a smart ass and ask how she was doing. He smiled and stuttered and finally said he was checking his voicemail. He flashed the phone. Usually I can't see a thing, but had some Cranial Sacral work done and a lot of my distance vision came back... So I could actually see that he had a new text message. The room smelled of alcohol, not beer, but alcohol. When I mentioned it he said very flippantly, "Well, it's only once a week. Why, you think it's more?"

Him looking up words in the dictionary reminded me of when he first started texting last November. Nabal was in the basement drinking as usual and kept asking me how to spell things. I was so used to that because one of our children has a learning disability that I would tell him without thinking. Then I found all the text with those words in them and knew what he had done. That is the first time I knew I was dealing with someone with very little morals. He had the nerve to ask his wife to spell the words he was texting his paramour. Then when I caught on and told him to look it up. He started asking the kids... even the one with the learning disability spells better than he does. He is a lazy man when it comes to learning, he'd rather get someone else to do things for him, then think and say they are stupid.

So he finally took a bath. He had been sitting on the bed in his hight clothes, body all dirty from work. While he was in the shower I of course took a peek. Mary had texted him, "Not tonight." He came upstairs with a very gay looking tank top on, put on a shirt and came into the kitchen. I asked him if he was hungry. Nabal sneered at me and said no then mumbled something about a shoe lace. I asked what about a shoe lace. He was looking in the pantry then looked at me with contempt and said, "I lost my shoe lace." I was so lost.. he had on dress shoes... how does one lose a shoelace? He pointed behind me and there was a 6" piece of black shoe lace on the floor. All I could say was, "Oh" He looked me up and down like I was an idiot and made a noise of contempt. He went back into the bedroom, came out and got his keys and walked out the door. He never said a word to any of us? I turned to our girl and told her, "Real men do not do that, they don't act anything like that." "She said, " I know mom," I know the kids don't want to hear me say things like this, I know they are not stupid, but since people tend to gravitate towards things they know. I want that type of behavioral red flag to be attached to my big mouth telling them that it is not acceptable. He returned in 10 or 15 minutes with his usual 24oz bottle. In the room was the 6 pack bottle on the floor where it had fallen. He returned to the room and shut the door behind him. Almost finished school! 3 months!! Lord keep me patient. Help us to a better life with normal people so my children will have a better role model of what a man should be. Once he is gone I have males, good males in my family, my friends and my church who will step up. They are at a distance because they don't want to either step on his authority or deal with him. Plus they and I know that he would take it out on the children if they went with and anyone else and enjoyed themselves. Such a spiteful man.

A friend was being nice and telling me not to stress. How do I explain all this without going on forever. And without knowing the whole story how could anyone understand that I am not stressing over all this most of the time. I stress over meeting all the bills alone. I stress over getting to that point and having him not willing to go. I am not down with the traditional Mexican marriage! I will not sit at home while he cats all over town. I will not every year for my birthday and half birthday go to have STD test. I will not put up with living in a house that looks like hell because a drunk will only make messes. I will not live with a liar. I will not disconnect from life again to function from day to day. Nabal every now and again will tell me that I don't have to work and that I can use what I am training for now for a little side money. He is either blowing smoke up my ass or his own... I think he is just losing his ever-loving mind. You have to have had lived my life to understand why I am not interested in waiting to see whether or not he stops drinking. I am not interested in any intervention. I used to talk to him about it, for years I have. For years I have worried. Once I found out he was talking to Isela, I forgave him. Once I found out he had met Mary at the hotel next to my church, we talked about that and reservedly forgave him and was willing to work at our marriage. Once I found out he was propositioning Isela and still texting Mary numerous times a day as to her whereabouts... I was done. We were supposed to be trying, we were supposed to be investing. He would smile in my face, reassure me with words and turn around and chase these women. He betrayed me, he's done.

Last night he was abrasive and barking orders. He had just gotten in from church and sat down in the living room. For once he wasn't drunk. He usually picks up a bottle or 2 on the way home. All of a sudden I thought he was calling my name, then it didn't sound like my name. I went around the corner and asked if he were calling me. All he did was bellow out, "TEA." Didn't even bother to look up. I asked what kind, just way easier then arguing. I just don't care enough to argue, I'll save that for when I put him out. "Something to make me sleep." He sounded so imperious. I just laughed, Little Napoleon... Quite a kingdom... There will be a revolt!

False Doctrine Backlash

I'm so very mad at Nabal right now. Pablo was finally located. He is in the hospital after a suicide attempt. Nabal was out with him Sunday. No one of them could see how desperate he was. Nabal drank with him, another young man who was coming to church until Nabal started drinking and partying with him gave Pablo cocaine and he failed a probation drug test. A lot of bad things just pushed this kid over the edge. I lay this, at least partly, at Nabal's door because he has preached to anyone who will listen that God does not care what you do as long as you are faithful about going to church. Not only does he preach and follow this philosophy, but he encourages all these young men to indulge in it. He leads them! This young man I heard really wants to get to know the Lord, but only found filth. Nabal makes fun of the people in his church who are trying to walk right in front of these boys. Points out that he is a better Christian.

This young fellow with the dead eyes who I have said I do not care for, while on a 3 day, wild drug and booze induced frenzy was out on the highway trying to preach the gospel... He wanted to fight anyone who disputed him. He has learned well from his teacher.Yet the zeal of youth made him go that step further.

So what was Nabal's reaction? He turned to me and asked could alcohol make someone act like this. I said yes. He then said that he knew many who drank far more and they didn't have these problems. I told him that everyone's different and some it kills quick, and some slowly. Left it at that. This though wasn't before he joked about the boy being stupid and all with a friend. He told me all the boy's woes and said it wasn't that bad. He was a pendejo. He was kinda mad. I guess he was, he knows deep down this could lead directly back to him in many people's mind. So... now he took a shower and dressed up and is headed off to the phyche ward to visit with Pablo. I hope they bar him. I hope the man can't have visitors. I hope the Lord leads real representatives of the gospel to him.

This young man, when he comes into his own could be the one who lets all the secrets out of Nabal's closet.

So Nabal's track record, all the young men he has taken to church who spend any amount of time with him are now much worse off then they were as people who knew nothing of God. They are all hopeless drunks and druggies. Really praying for this kid.

Nabal returned from the hospital and said stupid boy was asleep. He was annoyed. How dare a young man who hadn't slept in 3 or 4 days be asleep when he decided to visit. I just told Nabal that he had probably been sedated. This man has zero understanding except for himself and his mother. They are the only ones allowed sympathy unless Nabal sees the reasoning. Even his own children suffer from his cold foolishness. This past weekend our boy pulled a muscle in his 1st game. He went on to play 2 more games the next day with grown men. His leg hurt and we were talking about how to take care of it to not further injure it. Nabal starts with, "Mama, mama." in a high voice. Poking fun at the boy. "Whenever mama is around..." then really smarmy, " my leg hurts mama." "But when it's just daddy, there's nothing wrong." He went on and on about this. I worked on his muscle the day before and I know there is a strain. He thinks these things are funny. His mentality costs us a lot of money because my son can feel kinda bad and pretend to be alright. Then let whatever it is go until it needs immediate attention, which usually happen on a weekend... That kind of crap just cost us $600, when it could have been under $100. Nabal makes everyone feel like they are whining whenever they are sick. Our girl silently goes into her room if she's sick so she won't have to hear him. Nabal won't go into her room and bother her, but he will go into our boy's room and give a load of crap. He once, while I was sick looked at me and fixed his mouth to say that I was always sick. I asked him to back that up with some evidence. He thought, then had to admit that that I rarely get sick even twice a year. He turned on his heels and walked away.

So with all this Nabal doesn't let it cut into his womanizing. The text he forgot to erase after he got drunk: U look good the way u fix u hair!!! To Mary the Shell station cashier at 7:51pm. Every time I start to feel even the least bit sorry for him. (translates to codependency feelings) He always comes through to sharpen my resolve. I am starting to think that because I have let things ride until I get myself together that Nabal is thinking that I will go on living like this. Him and his mistresses and me just turning a blind eye. Either that or he is getting his sure thing set up before I get legs under me. He keeps telling me that I don't have to work. All this training at something I love! Yeah... he knows.

Tuesday After My Birthday

I just haven't felt like writing lately. Too much stuff going on, but I figured I had to get it all down documented. Last night he was drunk as a skunk and came in at around 2am. He was raving about how much he loves me and that I never loved him. I guessed that he had a big conversation with one of his girls Isela in particular since they have been getting hot and heavy lately. So there was a one sided convo as usual. It started off at 10ish in the morning. "Buenos dias mi amor :)" Then a while later "Que haces?" then a rather cold "Senor, yo no te pido nunca sentir aflicciones, sino tan solo que nunca me abandones en mis afliccion" Oops. guess he was being a cad as usual. When he gets mad everyone in his path gets zapped. Well I went to put his phone back in his pocket (yes he had the pants on and was passed out) the phone cover snapped off. He had already broken it in a fit of anger that day come to find out and the last piece came loose (after I got the messages off) Just before he passed out and I told him to go to sleep because he was too drunk. His last proclamation was, "Baby, I have never lied to you. Never." then he was gone.

So, the reason I know he and Mrs Soto have been getting a little hot is that last week I intercepted a string of messages between his (friend) CM in Denver. He was coxing her to send him pictures of herself and he was sending his to her. And to Mary, but that's another paragraph. She must have asked something about Isela because for once he forgot to erase all of his side and he said in Spanish, "Isela is scared" So fast forward to a day or two later and there's a photo of Isela in her bathroom it looks like with a black pretty low cut tank top. I remember seeing it and just thinking, "Some folks like low cut." Banked that and thought nothing more. After all she's in Borger, Tx and it's probably hot there. So day or two later another photo. She's got on a flesh toned spaghetti strapped thing on, same bathroom. The very next picture is a direct tit shot! I realize this is not a shirt after all but undergarments. I kinda feel for the lady she was dumb enough to caption the picture, "Esto es lo unico k te puedo mandar dime si te gusto o no.." Loosely translated, "This is all I can send do you like me or not..." Wow, so first, my husband might be trying to get this woman to send him naked pics. Second, she is asking if he likes her or not. What? Is he trying t make up his mind whether she looks good enough for him to leave? Wow... They are made for each other, He will have the perfect foil for his accusations and she will have a lover who will make her even more unsure of herself. She will have all the same accusations leveled on her that have been leveled on my for years, except she has actually done everything with and for him while she was married to her current husband. Her track record will not be able to be disputed. Oh, and he will not trust her one minute. She will live in hell. I dress pretty modestly, she will be the eternal slut. I have no doubts whatsoever. She will, unless the guy she is with now is physically abusive, come to look back and regret the last 10 years of her time investing in Nabal and not her own marriage. Then she will know who I am... She will realize all the lies she has swallowed. I do debate warning her, but she has stars in her eyes, not a middle aged rummy. Poor girl doesn't even drink. Hope she's not escaping another drunk herself. He can hide it pretty good for a while, until you want to see it.

Oh, the tit shots that came in on my birthday. Lovely. Coincidence or planned?



My birthday, Nabal was in Richmond getting a part for his work truck. He went with a brother from the church and Pablo. He reported with all the shock of a teetotaler that Pablo was drunk and saying that no one liked him and everyone hated him. Why I asked. The church fellow would not let Pablo drink in his truck. My thoughts were that if the church fellow wasn't there Nabal and the boy wold have been completely drunk... Quite a showman. So home he came after our boy's game and before our girl went to her first homecoming dance. He was here just in time to make cracks and get in the pictures. He left the camera unattended a minute and I found the photos. He told me he was going to take me out to dinner if I hadn't had too much food that day. WTF, I don't eat much as it is. Jerk! After seeing the pics my stomach got tied up in knots and my hiatal hernia kicked in. So much for eating anything else that day. He checked to see if I was going to eat and suggested I'd eaten too much during the day... I ate one small meal. So much anger is stored in my diaphragm, that's where the stomach problems come from. Happy birthday, my present was that I was so sick that I just had to be left alone and later just vomited. He left the pictures on a full 2 days. I guess he sent them to his other phone or just erased them. I haven't said one thing about any of the things on his phone for a long while, so he thinks I have given up checking. I actually have, but there are times I get an inkling to check and always come up with pay dirt. Usually when I am slipping back into, maybe I'm being harsh mode and on the verge of forgiveness. Peeking keeps me straight as to where I am headed. All in all I did not celebrate my birthday. I did spend an enjoyable day with my kids and they were nice about it. I am going to maybe celebrate my half birthday when Nabal has moved on. I have friends who Nabal would never like. They would like him and be open to anyone I bring around because they are my friends, but he is so insecure in himself that he would never like them. Oh and yes he was with the Christian guy when his Isela tit shot and accompanying head and tit shot came in. I see Nabal called her back 10 minutes after it came in. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall, better yet had a recorder on for that.

So on to Mary... Got a wonderful conversation with both sides. He texted her in Spanish. She speaks no Spanish. She texted him back, "I dont want us to tex me in spanish. I Dont know what u saying" His reply, "I say were are u goen and I let u kno I one 2 be u boy frend" Still him, "Y u no tex bak u no one 2 be my grid frend ?" Her answer finally, "U have to be my friend first." Dear Nabal again, "Ok yes frends" Who needs to make this stuff up with all these personalities! So I guess he is trying for the ll my life I want a pretty girl. Ok folks, I'm not dog meat myself. I look a good 15 years younger that I am and I get stares and compliments all the time. And not just from winos!

I hadn't been writing for a while because tax woes have come home to roost. He has always done what he felt like and it's catching up with us now. Money runs from him. He has never been able to keep any. I have amassed money only to have to dip into it to buoy his company. He has loaned money, so he can feel big. One year when we could not afford it he loaned $10,000. Found this out when he was jumping me for being irresponsible with money, and I knew it wasn't me. He said something about being mad at someone who owed him money and I had him tell me all the money he had out in loans. When it trickled back in he would spend it instead of putting it back. And he lost about $4,000 when someone skipped the country. I asked why when he had at that time 2 small children and no insurance would he loan out such amounts. He turned it back on me and said, You don't know what it is to be poor." Well... what could I say. His money. Now we face huge amounts from state and federal. The free loaders are still in the house, but we should be able to sell that and pay off pretty much everything else. After that I'll just take on the rest to be rid of him.

Yesterday our boy called me outside to witness my old car which he drives with 15 24oz beer bottles in the back seat and taco innards all over the console and sun flower seed shells spit all over the car. Nabal and Pablo used it Sunday morning. I was leaving for church and Pablo was sitting under our tree in the front yard. I thought this was odd, when I was pulling out he tipped a 24 in a paper bag up and took a swig. I go out at 9am... So seems they drank all morning and went to church at 3. Drove the church bus and all...

So school is going great and I am very good at what I do. I will be picking up a night job very soon and all of a sudden he is telling me that it will probably be too much for me. He thought I was only talking to hear myself talk. Ha! I have not worked outside the home all these years because he is the type of man who needs to provide, and it has allowed me to be able to raise the children first hand. Which I am thankful for, but the trade off has gotten too steep. While I build the kids up, he tears them down. My bright boy is hanging with a Nabal approved crown and dumbing himself down and skirting the tough guy act. I'll be glad when he can be himself, his smart, athletic self. And not have to hang around with a lot of kids he likes, but for the most part his sister refers to as slow. Bad move. He needs to be able to stand with his peers and not do as his father does. Nabal surrounds himself with needy people so he can feel superior, I don't want my boy to be like that. It is a torturous life, never to feel anyone can be equal or better then you and be ok with that. Not better, some people are better at some things than others and that's ok. Nabal dubs those people as stupid, so he can feel superior.

Waiting to see what God has in store... This whole thing may just surprise me by it's ending just the way is surprised the original Abigail. Don't think she saw that coming either. I don't like what I have become. A sneaky, bitter, bitchy person. I don't like it. I have been bitter for years, it is now finally being at least aimed where it should have been all along. At the undermining alcoholic.

So Nabal has a loner phone until his is fixed. Lucky me! He never knows how to work them at first. So who is the first text to? Mary... The next are about young Pablo, seems he's bee on a drug bender for 3 days. No sleep and out of control. The boy had given all that up and was going to church. Guess he met the devil there. Thanks Nabal. I'm praying that Nabal doesn't have to answer for all the folks he has lead astray. He can only have that happen if he turns himself around.