Sunday

Why does it seem that for every good thing there is a trial? Business goes well and my boy just suddenly stops talking to me... He got a new haircut. He really needs help. Even his sister says he's perpetually angry and mean... Why didn't I see all this 10, 15 years ago and put a stop to Nabal by putting him out? I was headed that way about 12 years ago, but became convinced I just hadn't tried hard enough so threw myself into my marriage... Didn't know about all the abuse and brainwashing going on with the boy. Yes fighting guilt. Guilt I was blind until it was uncovered.

Retrospect of this week with Nabal. He asked, every time he was drunk, would I come to church with him. Then would I cook tacos for some picnic. I tried the tactic of not arguing with a drunk and just said yeah, sure. Today he left without a word. It rained so I guess the picnic was canceled.ast night when Nabal was really drunk he had an urgent request that I look up a bill from his company so he could bill for the same type of job for the same guy. He needed a bill done and sent this weekend so he could get paid Monday. So I looked it all up...and he passed out by the time I had it. Today he asked did I ever find the previous bill. He had a voice that conveyed that he thought he'd catch me not having done it, same urgency as the night before. Told him I had and the price, then asked wich of the two contractors I needed to make it out to. His voice changed...he had to ask tomorrow to see how they wanted to handle it... Caught him! He creates urgency, dare I say drama, where there is none.

Nabal actually told me that any money I made wouldn't be of any help. I should stop what I do and devote myself to his company. Really? Winter is coming, and they say it's going to be a bad one with lots of snow. Perfect weather. But not so good for. Rick laying. Also little does he know I can make quite a lot at what I do. Way to try to make me feel insignificant! Well, I like what I do and I'm good at it so he can very well piss off! I'm starting to actually make ends meet. He started talking tonight like we were going to be forever. Really I just want to make money to run the house and he can have his money, pay bills he ran up, and pay off taxes and have enough when he goes so he can't say I tool all his money. Hell. I can honestly say he got away with a hundred thousand of mine, but I was working on the assumption at the time that we were a unit with the same goals. He's a man with holes in his pockets. We are flat broke and yet he still finds money for beer and weed... Priorities, priorities...


This thing with my boy not speaking has me kinda tweaked. He's like weather in the islands: don't like it, wait a few minutes... He's so lost.