Monday, May 26, 2014

Monday

Got home early around 5...Yup, drunk already. Celebrating memorial day.

Last week our girl observed to me, since Nabal seemed so disheartened that I wouldn't be able to accompany him to church last Wednesday since I worked an extra day, that she wasn't sure what church he was supposed to be going to. Saturday night he was drinker than drunk, and as she headed out to work at 10 in the morning...he was throwing down beer already.

Nabal is...trying to show that he is the loving husband. Running to get doors. Cam I have hug? Please please please. Trying to kiss my sleeved arm... Will I come sleep with him tonight? Oh joy...we can touch each other. (Nabal's words) When can I get a weekend off to go to Mexico? The whole family would go... He won't take that he is the only one who wants to go. The boy is thinking of using his vacation to revisit Europe. The girl...just isn't feeling it at all. She'd love to meet up with one female cousin, but the rest of the BS is too much. The drunk grandma. (if she's not drinking at the moment...Nabal will make sure she is by the time he leaves! The drunk uncles, and possibly now drunk cousins. I...have vowed to never go back. At least with Nabal, and not to his mother's house. All his brothers are having wife troubles? Well, too late for this wife.

He is back at playing the poor slighted husband. "You don't like me anymore." (sad sad voice)

Still trying to turn the tables... Mean mean mommy. (i know I'm the wife-that's what he says...) I need to quit work and help him build up his company real big. I don't need to work. Just sounds like a one way ticket to where I was. To his being the real him...because I'd be penniless again and unable to go anywhere. When I told him I like what I do. That was the point where he decided I didn't like him. Redirect much?! Trying to plant, that what I like is bad of me if it doesn't benefit him directly or takes me away from being directly at his beck and call.

When will I just get completely tired of all this. Get over being worried about what he will or won't do and come to grips that nothing is worse than being with Nabal! The thought of he and I together again...is so depressing...I think I'd just wither away.

It's all such a broken record kind of existence. Getting tired. Too old to let life just go on like this till I die.

Last night Nabal drunk called at midnight. I was asleep. He will plainly state that he doesn't care if he wakes me. He just wants to be disruptive. He just wants what HE wants. I have the phone set so it doesn't ring. That want the first time.

A small thing- now that all our towels look like crap because they have been used to wipe up messes instead of dry off bodies... I've been waiting for a bigger check to buy new towels. The ones we have are clean, but stained beyond belief. They've been in use for years and got that way this last year. Nabal announced that he bought a towel. Not towels. A towel... And when I got the chance could I wash it for him. A small thing, but paints such a big picture.

No comments:

Post a Comment