You're stuck down at the bottom. Down on the ground, and you're trying to keep me here with you. -Nabal
That was said when I wouldn't quit my job and work in his deli. Last week his deli very abruptly closed. He made a bad judgment call, got into it with the owner. (to whom Nabal lent $5000!) He did report that the man was harsh. I was thinking at the time: Someone not to do business with, and that it would end badly.
The man has an Asian wife that he berates as she works in his store.
The story goes that the man's rather large dog died. He asked Nabal to transport it to his father's farm. The dog had been dead in its crate for several days. (Probably because the man has no friends because of his personality.)
Nabal got to the farm where three father had a backhoe dug hole waiting. Nabal backed up to it and flipped the cage into said hole. The man, who was present, went ballistic. I'm a dog lover...I get it.
Now Nabal...did not understand. He doesn't understand crating animals when you aren't home. He sees it as abuse. He asked me what else he could have done. Well there were four men there...all he had to do was ask the owner. Just bad, adle minded, alcohol soaked bad judgment! Then he stopped by the store, which he did not have to do. Three guy wanted to fight. I reminded him nicely that the man, by Nabal's admission, was a rather rough person. Nabal's response: I'm not his wife! Telling...very telling.
Last night, sloshed as usual. Nabal decided to profess his undying love... He said much that included he'd never abuser me again. Mind you I have never accused him to his face of abuse. Also reminding that he mentioned abuse even before I put it together... He woke me from sleep. He was sitting on the sofa, very much invading my space trying to drunkenly embrace me while belching in my face. Bleck!! Then says I'm acting as if he has abused me. He finally stalked off saying he did not abuser his wife. He would never beat his wife!
Bares out Mr.Bancroft. One abusers style upsets another abuser. As long ad its not physical...it's not abuse for Nabal. As long as he's not brow beating, it's not abuse. His style? Misguided love...product of his upbringing. He uses all the excuses, just never tries to change anything. He said last night if I really wanted him to stop drinking- I'd need to come home and not work. But all in all, he'd be hard on all of us. Very hard.
I personally believe he knows. Knows what he does. Knows how he used to make me feel...us feel. After all he was the one that gave me the clue. The clue by the way I did not pick up on! But I now believe he was worried. I was just looking at the alcoholism and going to ALANON meetings and reading their booka. I couldn't understand why they were mostly urging to remain unless it would stop them possibly. Why and how so many were still madly in live with their drunks... I think, looking back, if it were only drinking...I could have possibly loved through some of it. It was the reading of the excerpts from 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft, that a wonderful woman posted on an online alcoholic support group. That was ringing truer. Once I read that alcohol doesn't make people mean, rather abusers use alcohol as a shield! I got it! The book and the concept.
Nabal is still trying to get me to come home and be dependent. At the beginning the year he had more than $20,000 in his checking account. He dislikes savings accounts... He now has a few hundred and bounced a check not long ago. Money runs away from this man. I pull about $2,000 a month for house bills. Money was constantly coming in...
Tax time! I have to take back my complaint. He took the taxes to a preparer. Oh what a mess! I wouldn't even sign the check for that.he put himself down as single for starters. He went to a hispanic preparer. I won't cast dispersion on every hispanic tax preparer, but there is a certain class... Last time he felt with some like her- he owed $5,000 to the IRS. They deduct stuff that haven't been deductible in decades. Some other people who used the preparers owed twice that. They are making money on the heads of their own people who can't do business themselves!
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