Monday, February 6, 2012
Monday
Nabal's new schtick: Whenever I don't want to do something I must be mad. The kids have a friend from the Middle East and their mom sent bread. Nabal was drunk, I made a chicken stew. Nabal made sandwiches and put mayo. It was after 12 am and I had eaten hours before and had a bowl of ice cream- I was done. I took one of his sandwiches told him I was full so don't bring another. I gave mine to the dog... I just didn't feel like arguing. He came back with another and I told him i did not want any more. He bows his head and goes back up the stairs saying, "Why are you mad?" And there it is! Control! Yesterday he comes over to me, "Give me a little beso of I love you." I'm mad. I come in from church and he wants a big hug and kiss. I must be mad. I'm not mad. It has been 4 years+ of pure hell that he thinks I'm to forget and is sure I would if I weren't mad... I'm throwing away 20 years, because I'm mad. I won't believe his lies because I'm mad. I'm not mad, I'm disgusted. At me because i can't seem to get out of here, at him because he refuses to take a hit for anything or apologize. Not that it would work. He thinks these things just happen during a marriage and no apology is necessary. So, to keep score all that happened, all his behavior was 1. because of the economy (it was before) 2. when pushed it was really all my fault. My character flaws, our sex life (undermined by his constant accusing me of being unfaithful and inventing things that never happened) I'm no fluzzy, I don't dress like one, I don't flirt with men. Heck I know how Nabal was and how sensitive so I never even had a movie star i oggled over. Jonny Depp I kept in my heart... I raised kids, dressed like a drudge when I went out, the only place I ever went was food shopping, church, school and out with an old aunt before she died. Yet he accused me. I tried to sell Avon, was very cautious to sell only to women not to upset him or bring suspicion. And yet he accused. I finally got it, it was not in me- it was all him, and there was no cure or precaution. For him women are sluts, it's only a matter of time until u catch them at it.
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