Trust Poorly Placed

Why do I keep falling for hope? A few good days and I extend a little trust. Nabal told me he would cook the steaks, everything else was done. 10:10 no meat cooked and Nabal standing on the porch across the street. Oh yeah... he was drunk. He came in at 11. Whining, yes a grown man whining- you forgot me you didn't cook for meee. He was rummaging through the fridge and as I pointed out his steak waiting for. Him he presented me with 2 raw steaks in a zip lock bag. "So, what is this?" He looked quite pleased with himself. "They are the remainder, put away for a later time" Our girl didn't want to eat her meat so late. He picks up the cooked meat and pops it in the bag with the raw steaks. I tried to explain to him what he'd done- as he squeezed raw chorizo (Mexican sausage) into the bag. "I'm going to cook these for my buddies." I thought he was going to take it with him across the street, when he turned on the stove and opened the broiler. He was trying to put the PLASTIC bag with all the meat in it into the broiler. He could have burned the house down! This morning he said he was only joking... Our boy filmed the whole scene.

I really think he was on more than beer and marijuana last night. He was a weird different sort of high. People have seen him recently frequent a neighborhood referred to as the 'medicine cabinet.' He did once admit to using crack at some earlier date...

Nabal missed yet another of our boy's recitals... Simply said he couldn't get over there... This is the second in 2 weeks.

Friday within the span of an hour Nabal told me of some beat up houses we should buy and fix up, he was going to build an addition onto our house so that when I finish school I can have an office at our home, and finally he was renting a trailer to move into with all his cars he's fixing up. He tried to get me to argue with him about him getting a new cell phone. I said get one. So he argued with himself. He actually slipped and told me he wanted one like a young fellow has that follows him. "In the morning he gets all kinds of pictures of womens on it!" "It gets pictures!" He wants so bad to send pictures of himself to women. I want so bad to have a phone I can load some ware that will give me evidence for court!

Why do I put up with it? Debt... He owes so much, therefore we owe. I'm on the hook too.

He's going to church drunk now- and nobody notices! He opens the service, prays... This is one reason I have not gone to his church in ages. I just went to help with the computer the other night. He said to me one day that he is a better Christian as a drunk than the other people in his church... He also has decided that God knows his heart and is ok with how he lives life. If God wanted him to quit drinking He would stop him... How far off we can wander away from God when the flesh is our god. An old friend of his called him out as to his motives for serving in the church. He said he was looking for vain glory. Ouch! He almost left after that, but someone gave him a class to teach and he stayed. Last week he told me that no one comes church unless he is there. WOW, PRIDE!.... Be cautious of justification, each time we justify something in our lives that is wrong, we have to take another step away from God. Another reason I stay, I can justify a lot of things- meet his evil with evil of my own, look for emotional support elsewhere, all things I could justify without much effort.God has the power to change anything in our lives. And non will snatch us from Jesus hand- but we can willfully walk away. I have seen my husband pack his little bag and walk with wicked counsel. What I'm not sure of is if he is still standing in the way with the sinners or sitting in the seat of mockers... I pray the Lord will continue to work with him. He is in God's hands. He won't listen to another human- and many have tried... I just hope he won't fall into the hands of the angry God... I can't see the bottom for him from here.

For any who may ever read this- this is just a place to put my thoughts so I can keep some grain of sanity, and hold on. Hold on until I finish school and can bring in enough to keep a roof over our heads. The way things are going Nabal may kill himself before he leaves.

Last month alone he had 3 accidents at work- any of them could have cost him his life. Two of the three were because his drinking buddies are also his workers and they were drunk or hung over. He finally sent one home because he was too drunk. How drunk is too drunk to work? He has started visiting customers while he's buzzed. He is an artist at what he does, but no one will put up with a drunk. I figure my schooling and Nationals will be done just in time for his business to die.

Now more crazy family to deal with. Some person has come out of the woodwork claiming to be my sibling. The only proof is that their mother told them so... Like I need another headache. I', distancing myself from that hornets nest. Met the person once and they seem to be another emotional vampire, and was once an addict of some sort. I'm done. The person doesn't even realize that my life has made me twice cautious up front.