Tuesday

Nabal had the day off because of weather and he's drunk again. There is a reason I have been curt and unrelenting the past few years- if I'm in the least civil he suddenly thinks I've 'gotten over' my whatever. Tonight he was telling some story and I listened to it figuring an escape. He took that as some sort of overture. He tells me what a nice conversation we had. All I did was be polite like I was talking to anyone else. Less than 10 minutes and he's asking for a kiss. I worked the evening and he was out when I got home, Yay! He had the computer and had stalked every woman you could imagine, and been on FB's match.com page. Now he's talking about us going out with some couple he knows who square dance. Like that will ever happen. That's why I'm usually tight lipped. He is now talkin about us and movin to another house around here. I've told him time and again that I really dislike the area and that we are done. I think he has really convinced himself that I'm mad about lack of money. He has jobs now and thinks it all means I'll come around. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. He's had his chances and struck out every time. When all this started, and I woke up, he was rolling in cash. He pissed it all away. His excuse one drunken night for the ladies was that he 'went a little crazy' because of the money. In essence, if he has enough money he doesn't need me. He's going to be the playboy. I would actually like him to 'strike it rich' again. He'd be out of here faster than you could say divorce! He only started backpedalling when he realized he was broke and in so much debt. Why? He still needs my brain. Why am I still here, or why is he stil here? Finances, plain and simple. I can't afford to be free of him, and it's a little scary to wonder how he will react.

Ha! The other night he tried with the God wants one big happy family and I'm the one causing trouble. If I behaved: Our finances would straighten out. His church would grow. He'd stop drinking. Our children would be normal kids. Gee...not much of a guilt trip huh? So, still no apology, no acceptance of his part. Just a smiling: Sometimes things just get a little crazy and mistakes happen. Now come sleep with me and you'll get over all this. Really!?! I don't think so. I'd like to say ever...but I learned young to never say never.