Tuesday

Odd day. Saw that Nabal over drew hia acccount, luckily we had a rent check which brought him out of the red. Then he calls... what is he going to do, everyone has turned their back on him, and what about me. Aw hell, put on the spot. Your always mad at me, you won't sleep with me. Again with the mad. I'm no longer mad, I don't care. What does make me mad is his insisting on his 'rights' to try and touch and kiss me. That makes me mad. It was like he wanted me to kick him when he was down. I wouldn't bite. He sounded so dejected, and thats a problem I need to deal with. I changed the subject. This evening he was trying to be very friendly, yeah...no. I really hope he gets jobs, I'd like to leave when he has his pockets full. He already accused me of being with him for money. The thing is he can still confuse the hell out of me... He has his truth and I have mine. This is why I write pretty much everything important and if I'm not down almost everything, so I can keep reality straight. Today he finished his beer and asked if I had $2. I lied and told him no I'd given the kids lunch money. Said he wanted to know how much he owed me. Ooooh! For the kids. Really?!? This is so hard. So very hard. I really need a support group. Saw something the other day a woman said she saved lots of money after her abusive husband left because she didn't have to make big dinners. I remember eating way less and hardly wasting any. We waste a lot because he won't eat left overs. Well he did today! No money! He's making noise about getting a license to do big work... I'm not doing it. He is a messy business person. When he has money he won't listen to anyone and he really wastes it somewhere. Spends a lot on his workers. Buys their lunch every day... They are his kids he pays attention to...