Sunday

So I dodged the whole fake family unit thing at Nabal's church last evening because I worked all day and fell asleep at 4 p. m. Found out he made our girl and a few Spanish kids go. She said the pastor woman and her daughter gave her weird looks and made them fill out information cards.  These cards had on them 'I need to be saved' the woman told all the kids they needed to mark that. Ok, weather it's true or not...you don't go telling people that way! I'm kinda guessing Nabal is telling them 'his' woes about the kids. Perfect way to get them off him, and they are that stupid to follow his reason knowing how he has acted around them.

I'm sitting in the basement he's drunk talking on the phone. First it was to someone in his church. Mind you he's drunk enough to hear it in his voice and he's arguing that they can't tell him drinking and drunkenness is a sin, that's their interpretation. Basically, 'Don't judge me!' it's an argument I hear him have all the time. A really messed up church because they have no way of holding him accountable, but with repeated pleading and reasoning from one of his 'brothers' he doesn't relent in the least.

Later I hear him speaking in English. He's talking to a smoking buddy of his. One he tries to convince to stay in church with wrong doctrine. Heck I remember when the guy hated churches. Hope Nabal doesn't mess another soul up... So I hear him tell this guy laughingly about some Spanish boys that he made go to his dinner. Then he loudly and drunkly tells the man that he (Nabal) preached. Then laughs and says, "Can you believe that?" Then laughs again. it's all a joke. I think even he is surprised he's getting away with being a known drunk all around yet being the go to preacher. I just don't understand any of it... It's why I won't set foot over there. I guess you'd have to understand my thoughts and understanding of a reasonably healthy and functional church to understand why I don't understand... Well, I do understand that I am done with this farce and I really do need counceling to get motivated and get over this lingering fear. I'm pretty sure everyone has given up on me. It's been really hard to figure if it has been better to be here for a short time more or to have broken loose when things got crazy. I still wonder if it wouldn't have been better to have lost everything , yet held onto sanity more closely. Thing is I know that I will be completely on my own.  I can do homeless, or shack in the sticks. Would it have been better compared to this for my girl? Coward I am, that I can see.