So interesting week already. Monday Nabal was soo drunk Monday night that Tuesday I found about $20 of weed just sitting on the dining room table amongst several empty beer bottles. He's so worried about his kids and drugs...great role model there dad. (sarcasm intended)
Today Nabal sees me coming down the stret almost home. Calls me whining about all he has to do and still needed to pick up chicken food. Back up to where I'd just come from and when I get back home he calls again. He's looking for the name 'Craigslist' and he was so drunk already I could hear it right away by how high his voice was.
I just realized something important. I don't have anything against recreational smoking anymore than having a beer or so. Even drinking one too many when celebrating. What I have a problem with is that Nabal over does it all. He spent years doing it in front of the kids if I wasn't around. He has shown them a lifestyle of substance abuse, not responsible use. He spy's on the kids while he stumbles about drunk and high. Drunks can't sneek! So they all know, and they all despise him. Yet what remains to be seem is will they unwittingly follow him anyway because it appears and feels normal to them?
I still kick myself for not telling him to go 10 years ago when he threatened to leave constantly. Why did it make me so sad? Why was I so scared to go it alone. Why couldn't I see that even though I was left around as a child by a vain mother that my children would have felt loved and cared for even if they had a sitter. It wasn't the sitters, it was the feelings from home. I've turned one dis functional set up into another. I feel at wits end. I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. I feel as if let my kids down more than even I was. So...happy holidays.
I am thankful for my kids and the few and rare friends. (many of which are fur covered)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment