Timeline

I have come to realize that amnesia is a symptom of dealing with alcoholism, addiction, any type of abuse. It is so easy to get some distance and say, "Wellll, it wasn't that bad." or, "I'll give them another chance because this is so out of the blue." This is because the one who you are giving all these chances calculates and encourages the amnesia. They do their drama then skirt the edges. One day they enter and act 'normal' like nothing out of 'normal' ever happened. They lavish you with love. They are ready (sit down for this) to forgive you. You pushed them to whatever action it was, but they are down with the unconditional love and they will give you another chance. This may never be said in so many words, but it is the illusion they paint no matter what their medium. They throw open the proverbial open arms and accepting smile, beckoning you in, don't be ashamed. All is forgiven. We may be so happy it's all over we go with this. We may balk and ignore them. We may even argue our for our sanity and the insanity of their proposition. Their speech will slow, reasoning with a child. "Dredging up old hurts isn't going to help here. It's a new day." They cajole. "Come on, let's see a smile from my pretty/handsome. You've got to know I love you." They get mildly angry. "You always have to bring up all that stuff from the past. You are never satisfied." They lay low but keep trying to creep in the familiarity. They put themselves in situations that you 'have' to help them out of, knowing that this creates emotional investment. When enough time has elapsed they bring out the biggest gun of all. "It wasn't as bad as you are 'imagining' you always blow everything out of proportion." Angrily they begin, then make a lovely show of gaining control of themselves. (This shows for you baby.) The last step is them going on from there as if nothing happened, leaving you as the unreasonable one, the damaged one. Our choice: fall in line and let it go, or have faith in ourselves and believe what we believe and let them go. Ask God or Higher Power, whatever your choice, to bring to remembrance the reality of it all. To give you strength to keep proper perspective.

1) 2011- Drinks almost every day to maintain. Moved from 24oz to 40oz. Has to smoke pot to sleep. Wakes at 3 and can't go back to sleep every night so goes into the living room to look at Spanish TV.

2) 2010- My school. At the end of the year when he was pulling out of this cycle he was still sexting and asking for nude pics of Isela and maybe others, and sending pictures of his private parts. All while trying to sweet talk me. The rest of the year he was sitting in his truck every day drinking, texting and talking on his phone and to his drunk buddy next to him. All the while his children and more often just his daughter were sitting in the house for up to 5 hours by herself. He would slide in the house minutes before I arrived home.

3) 2009- 6 week binge, Hotel, sexting. Looked at some old scores of our daughter that were from public school. She was in the very bottom classes and in with every thug in out small town. He says she was passing. You should have left her in public school instead of wasting money. (by the time she left there after 2 years she had jumped 5 (yes 5) reading grades and understood math concepts. Wasted my a$$! His family is very good at telling you they are not that smart, while thinking they are the smartest on the planet. I have seen them tear one another down so they won't be the only at the bottom of the barrel. Cursed me out in front of our daughter, 'F' words and all. I think he threw in a 'B' too.

4) 2008- Our boy, who is exceptionally bright and talented had a very bad year in school and failed a class. It was a very difficult year at home with him also. He was an 8th grader, need I say more. I found a summer program at a local military school. He loved it so much and wanted to go. I saw this as an opportunity to 1) Get him away from AH and his influence, drinking example, and his violent way of handling the boy's teen behavior. 2) Separating him from my AH's brother, who not a drinker at all, was not a good example. He spoke good words, but his actions towards his family were angry and reflected their abusive upbringing. 3) To get my boy where he could see honor, honesty and integrity were not just a woman thing. Where he could see 'macho' men living honestly. Well, that backfired! Whole 'nother story. This leads me to know that the drinking and driving my son around happened before this time. 4) to remove son from eminent violence. Mark time.It was the year of the grand awakening... of me. AH had often reacted to son's hormonal rage with, "I want to take him in the back yard and fight him, just beat him up. He thinks he's so smart." I replied, "Number one that's illegal. Number two that's how you and your brothers kept each other in line because you had no adult to do it, but you were all a year or less apart. Now you are an adult and this is a child." His answer, "I don't care. He's my sone and I'll do what I please." I looked him in the eye and said, "I or the neighbors will call the police." His answer, "So what? He's my son, they can't stop me from disciplining my son." My answer, "I will kill you." Not the first time I uttered those words. But I hope they will be the last. Always the same topic too. AH also fought me on the school I was sending our daughter to because she needed more support in her disability. Complained that it was wasting money and there were cheaper schools. Told me he had been smoking pot for years to put up with me,,, I was shocked, he hid it well. I just happened to run into it while cleaning.

5) 2007- No detail stands out.

6) 2006- Devastating year caring for a terminally ill aunt. 9 months out of my life. She was a demanding person also. Manipulative to the point that before her illness I had cut her off from communication because of how she treated my children after my mother died. She was the 'baby' of the family... I don't remember what was going on around me to tell the truth, I just remember the feeling of not being particularly supported at home. I just reasoned that I was probably looking for some pie in the sky fantasy that really didn't exist.

7) 2005-My AH was fighting me about getting our daughter tested for learning disabilities. I was fighting the school on this, he never once went in with me. He called me f*ing stupid for wasting everyone's time. When they finally did test and find a very bright child with a big issue, he shook his head and gave me all accolades. He started asking in his family and found similar issues. It dawned on me at that time his family is very good at talking each other into failing, that it's alright to fail. Not so supportive in nudging someone to succeed. Nabal went to Mexico for Christmas, for the first time I realized I didn't miss him at all. In fact I cleaned up and was able to get work done at the house without him always needing me to stop and do something 'important' for him. I slept better, had more energy and accomplished things. Most of all I felt free. When he called to say he was extending his trip I was overjoyed and except for my son being with him really hoped he'd stay. Son told me of their trip upon his return: AH and his brother (who is a hard liquor drinker and Ah was drinking with him) almost got into a fist fight when they were both drunk. Son and AH's youngest brother stopped it. Son and youngest brother had to clean the bathroom because AH threw up all over it and they knew that it was wrong to have the drunk brother's wife clean it up. AH didn't mention it to them they just happened to stumble upon it... I told son I was sorry he had to do that, especially for his father.

8) 2004- We sold a house and were celebrating a windfall profit. Out of nowhere AH asks me if I would take 1/2 the money and go. Leaving the kids, because he knew I would rather be alone. This, for me, came out of nowhere. It made me so sad. It was he that was never around. Always working or with his buddies. The drinking was light and confined to weekends. I never connected the two things. After I said no he went on with the celebration like nothing happened, and so did I. All the while wondering what I had done to convey this, and how I could rectify that. Years before I had contemplated leaving because of repeated threats of leaving by him, and accusations of me having affairs. I threw myself into my marriage. With all honesty I didn't want the embarrassment of divorce. Long story I always painted a perfect picture of him to my family, trouble was supposed to stay in our 4 walls wasn't it?

9) 2003- Drinking and accusing me of having an affair when I was actually teaching children during an adult bible study. Said someone had come up to him on the street and told him this. In fact the affair was supposedly with one of the church janitors.