The Reality Rock

And that fast...dashed against the reality rock.

It's been an odd week. Found out that a co-workers ex, one who showed all the signs of an abuser, committed violence against her. She was raised in an abusive home, her mother was physically and verbally abused by her husband. My co-worker, in her 30's, related to me once how she disliked her mother. She disliked the woman because she hadn't left. She disliked her mother's weakness. The good news is that her mother food lose her abusive husband...finally, but not soon enough to stop him damaging a new generation.

We'd spoken honestly about the co-worker's ex in that he was a classic covert manipulator. She saw herself as strong, strong enough to tell him she was through with the relationship and all that was left was their shared son. After a police involves incident last fall she asked him to move out. He tried to coerce her back into bed. He pretended to take more financial responsibility. She stuck to get guns, and in the end had to find him a new place to live because he'd done nothing towards moving out. Finally in very late spring- he moved out on his own. She, being the strong woman she is, went back to school, built her own business, worked with us, all with a baby and young child.

Here it is late summer and she moved on. Had a gentleman friend she was happy- was not manipulative, had a good career and was encouraging. Over a weekend the new beau came for a visit. His final night- my co-worker's ex broke into her house late at night, beat the new beau up and threw her around, and broke things in her house. He told her he could kill her.

In the end, she had mentioned to others that she was indeed afraid of her ex.

This upset me. She'd not mentioned it to me. I hope because she always put on the tough face to me. Wondering inside herself why I didn't just grow a pair and leave.

What really upset me was the reaction of other women! Done went on about weak women who let things happen. Because they themselves got out of bad relationships. I saw glee in some eyes, people get jealous of her financial success. They simplify, just have him arrested and he'll learn his lesson, and if she doesn't- he'll do it again. Again a woman who left, but has often wondered why her husband did not 'try harder' when she left. He'd hit her and tried to forbid her. These are all liberated women... Very liberated, yet there is no compassion, no empathy.

Nabal takes pills and now drinks alone. Last night he put on the happy face- I miss you...love you. Let's go to Mexico! I told him I didn't care to go..anywhere with him.

He looked dumbfounded. What was he to tell his family? Did I have someone else? We could just go add friends. Is it me, our my family in Mexico? I'm not messing around with anyone. He had to go to sleep, he couldn't talk to me while he was drunk.

Today he calls. Are you alone? I don't like what you said to me last night.

And what did I say last night?

You said you didn't want me any more and I don't like it. We need to talk.

What I did say last night was that I was done. After years of his behavior, why does he think I should still be there waiting for him to get better?!

Nabal- What have I done wrong? I've done nothing wrong.

So, who it's at 'fault' in his mind? My unforgiving nature, to hear him tell it. I'm making plans, but he's not letting go.

The other night my boy said he could see his father trying to track and kill me...for letting him down.

Just depressing, very depressing.