Masks

It's a very sad point to reach. I once assumed most people told the truth unless proven otherwise. I've come to realize, and looking back it's been for at least a year or more, I hear words from loved ones and assume they are untruths or shades of the truth unless verified. I realize I've cut myself off from a great many friends, because I'm always analyzing, always seeking these shade lies. Acquaintances? I'm not close enough to really care.

I have, what to me is an unnatural talent mixed with ineptitude. I'm horrible at spotting personal lies, yet I always catch people in them. Once I've caught them...verifying every word they speak becomes a necessity. Then I lose contact, because it's way too taxing.

Trust. My trust has been lost. I don't know if I'll ever find it again. I honestly don't trust people to honor me with the truth. I sometimes wonder what it is about me that makes feel the need to lie.

This is something I really need to work through. Living under lies for so many years...makes me sea then everywhere. Sad part is they are usually verified these days by proof. It makes me not trust anyone. Anyone. Because I can't see the true face. All I see are masks for the world.