Preparing to Disappear

I've really been thinking more and more that I'm going to need to disappear. Go underground. Nabal had been using pills and cocaine. Last week I really insisted that there would never be an us again. Told him I knew what he was doing and had proof. Naked pictures of Mary asleep in some hotel, taken by him. Haggling texts to and from hookers. Craigslist conversations, him lining at women seeking men, and men seeking men. This in answer to his professions of undying love... I feel less than nothing. Then he tells me he and Mary are over- because he hit her. WTF? (Odd how he channels all his abuse towards her.) Not that I care, but she has another fellow who hits her, and she continues seeing him.

This week:
Weekend hotel room charges. He's drunk...again, says he thinks he has a nose infection. He thought it was allergies 2 weeks ago. (Hmm, allergic to cocaine maybe.)

First he talks about how much he's going to do before he goes to Mexico...for good. Then he turns to begging me to let him sleep with me. Right this very night. Again- WTF? He passed out.

He wakes, I'm playing games on my phone: What are you doing on that phone?

Me: What?

Nabal: Texting? Texting someone probably. What are you doing?

Me: That would be you. You screw anything on two legs.

Nabal: You better not get with someone else! You better not!
(Really, you just asked Mary to live with you!) Just possessions.

Me: This from the one f#*#ing anyone you can get your hands on?

He again tries to plead his love. Ask why I don't answer his text or calls. Told him I was really didn't want to. And don't you threaten me. His answer- I not threaten you. When?

Yeah, slipping away quietly if he doesn't succumb to his addictions first. I've been mentally planning and put a few things into action. I have a few friends, but when I say anything-then they get too pushy. (Well meaning, worried, but pushy) I know I've gotten quiet lately with everyone, because they ask questions. I answer, but I'm still talking about Nabal. Don't want to talk or think about Nabal.  Everyone else had gotten tired of waiting for me to move. Probably thinking I'm either weak our enjoying this crap somehow. They're gone.

Realize: When you see a woman has been killed by an abuser. I see people in general, children from abusive homes and sadly some survivors, soapbox about women needing to get some backbone and leave their abuser. Why do they stay?! Most of these women did finally get that courage and said they were leaving, or weren't going to take it anymore. That's when abusers kill. You're theirs, you can't leave. Better dead and gone, than just gone.