Sunday

Aaaaand Nabal's drinking again. He gets drunk and wants me to 'fix' his back... What he really wants is to try and cop a feel. Yeah that's pissing me off. He's been trying to force affection and accountability all day. Thank goodness he is gone to his church for 3-5 hours then I go to prayer. This evening he forces his way into my personal space and says he can feel us getting closer. He's still with the dirty videos on YouTube. I know they don't have anything crazy on it, but our boy has noticed them on his account and wondered who was looking at the trask. Bad coming from a 17 year old... He has a new stalk a Miss. Gutierez I think they are cousins. The way things are looking doesn't surprise me... A lot of these women are now divorced and kinda dress like kids. Ok, they look like strippers. He's gonna find his dirty girl! I'm hoping he'll just go, but I know I'm gonna have to be the one so he can play poor unappreciated one. At times I wonder if he's thinking his behavior will push me one way or the other. I'm sure he doesn't care which way because if I crack he figures he'll have someone he can walk all over, and if I break it all off he'll beg while he hunts down new meat so he can get sympathy. Then he will get nasty, especially once he finds someone. That's the part that gets me shaking. Our boy found the protege passed out in his bed with foam on his mouth. Said ole caring Nabal was nudging him with his foot to try and wake him. Our boy ended up having to wake him and get him walking. Really gotta grow a pair... I feel so alone. I have no family that can help, friends are old and distant and this is my problem to deal with. I don't have but a few who I tell any of this stuff to. I learned long ago to write what I feel. There are none who I'm close to anymore. No one, and all that's on me. I walked away from every one of them. Who can help anyway? I'm not a teen, I'm old. I should know my way in the world.