Friday

Nabal got stumbling drunk again last night. He seldom does that, though he is drunk most nights. He was working up at the other house we are selling, and if it was anything like las Saturday he just drinks all day long. You see him walking around with a beer then all of a sudden he has a new one. When I first got there there was a 40oz where they were working. A while later it was kicked into the woods. It's bad enough up there, the tenants left a hell of a mess, but there are beer bottles and cans all over the place. I'm beginning to see that half the problem with our house is that he never picks up a thing. Plates, cups, silverware all sit where he finishes with them. I have left them sit where he watches TV. For days I leave them just to see if he will move them. I saw him drop a nut shell on the floor the other day. He stopped to look to see where it went. When I got back home it was still there. So, back to last night. He was stumbling drunk then he left in his truck. I didn't realize he was gone for a while. (He never says he is going out even when he's sober.) (He's a man, blah, blah) I was asleep when he came in. Jumps on the bed like any 5 year old... Grinning and blowing beer breath. Bleck!! He wakes me up wanting to talk. (Remember I don't talk to drunks) "Why won't you talk to Poppy no more? You don't want Poppy no more." Back to this victim crap...again. He the one who fights dirtier than anyone. He, anytime he wants to win a fight brings up all his imaginings from 20 years ago. Crap that isn't even true, but can I prove it he asks... I have been telling him that I don't trust him, He met a woman, everyone knew he had girlfriends (his friends told my son), I have texts between him and women and pictures, some with bare minimum clothing. He said any and everything he was big enough to say to me. Spent more than 2 years being a pure ass in front of his children and friends. And he says I just bring up the past 2 years just to hurt him. Talking about ducking responsibility... So alcoholism and abuse... I know that if I were to loose my mind and give in we would be right back at hi threatening to leave, undermining any way I found to make money, being an ass to the kids and telling me I'm too sensitive over them. This is why I always felt there was a problem even when he was bone dry. I hope for him that his 'use' of alcohol to act as he pleases while having a built in excuse hasn't actually got him. I do think though that now it uses him. And it will use him up. They do just live in their own entitled world. The scariest thing is that if I did forgive and forget this time, he would be so much worse after. He would know I'm a fool... We are way past all that. It's just time to move on and for him to get a new victim.