Wednesday

Nabal is speaking like a true alcoholic now. Seems the latest more than a year long detour into the bottle is all my fault... Well of course! Who else. He is lying about everything, and when the truth intrudes he changes to a different story. All the while with a smirky smile. Told me if I wasn't all in his business I wouldn't know anything. I had to let a little go, he was lying so ridiculously.The good stuff though is still in my hand. He keeps saying, "but I love you." Like that cures every ill. No apologies. He told me that if I put him out he was taking one of the kids, maybe both. I could not stop myself from laughing. Told him they were old enough to choose where they wanted to be.

I am really mad as hell right now, because he is trying his best to lure me down that rabbit hole of codependency again. He is trying to create a reality of what happened that makes me responsible and that I am now being unreasonable. This explains and validates my suspicions when he was so vehement that there was no need for me to ever work. He wants and likes that I have no where to go. A hostage is what he wants. A hostage to his bad behavior, to his tearing apart. Trying to give lots of hugs in front of the kids... I have gotten to the point that I just tell him to go away. He had the nerve this morning to ask me why I was always mad. I feel the need to watch 'Gaslight' again. I do have faith that all dirt comes out in the wash. I'm not putting up with this crap for another 17 years. I refuse to be unhappy and brow beaten any more.