Monday

Monday, Monday... the empty 40 bottles are flying into the trash. Home sweet hell. He called today while I was at a meeting. I called when I got out, he didn't answer. Whe I got home he was on the phone for a while, as usual. He points to the phone at his ear. I walk on by unlike him. If he sees me on the phone he makes a point of starting a conversation, or trying to get touchy feely. Last night he sees me on my phone and takes a seat to start a conversation about how to play the guitar. I finally got the nerve up and told him I was on the phone and he was being rude. He snickered and went back upstairs. Anyway... He tells me he was looking for our boy. He stayed over at his friends from Africa. Nabal asks as he always does these days. "Is that alright with you?" That's why he called me... The boy didn't live at home most of last year, and did better than he did before he left. I wil just be very happy when he turns 18 in April. Nabal was being, a barely veiled racist yesterday and the day before. Saturday he was drunk. Dumb me, with what I know of him I very quietly mentally chalked it up to drunkeness. Yesterday was Sunday and he was sober and was acting the same. He's said things way too many times for it to be a slip, or misunderstanding. He feels everyone is racist towards Mexicans because he is a racist. He has called me names and excused it as drunken babble which he is not responsible for at all. He just laughs and never apologizes when he's sober. I guess really there is no apology so why fake it. The kids hear this... wonder how it makes them feel?

I truly want to make sure we are not here for our boy to have to return to this area. Nabal is trying to buy another house.... We owe our a$$es in taxes. I have not acted as if I want to continue being married to him, much less move to a new location with him. He's looking way out in the country in other counties. I've told him he can do what he wants. I don't see really having to actually worry about it at this time, the money just isne there. I want out of this state, and not with him at all. Well... he told me he was taking a shower at least 2 times tonight. Then asks me is that ok. Like he is asking if I give my permission. He's a nut job. Like he's trying to make me take responsibility for him. Like a mother. I just don't get him. Maybe it's just his latest head game I am not getting. I need a therapist, half hour for me the second for them to explain to me what the hell Nabal is doing.