Friday

Nabal's new campaign is finding reasons why I should not be working or in school... He has all this stuff that 'needs' to be done yesterday and if I weren't working somewhere I'd be able to comply. Everything revolves around Nabal. So now he is walking looking like the poor put upon one. After the last few years of him completely ignoring us he is acting like we are the ones in the wrong. He is doing nothing different. He's just hiding it better. Even if he is a reformed man it just doesn't matter, he took the whole thing too far, I heard and saw too much, He's done too much to the kids. There is just way too much he has killed in all of us. I really think he turned around and realized that we have all moved on. Today our girl was in a fashion show- he forgot. He's trying to be huggy and I'm just not the least into it. He has said things meant to destroy me and make me feel bad about myself, and I'm not putting up with it any longer. I know he will revert back even if he does make changes, but I don't think he has any plans of making changes. I think he sees he is losing control of all of us and he is grasping at straws. No one is cowering, no one is stressed, no one is angry. We are just family that gets along and does their thing to better themselves. There is no drama, and I think he thrives on drama. We all live alongside him, but we no longer participate in his world. We have firmly planted our feet in the normal life. Now he is trying to follow, but I think it's a trick... Get me sucked back into the home body life waiting for his urgent needs, dropping everything when he wants something that could wait immediately if not sooner. Then wham, he'll come down with all his crap. The drinking, the womanizing outright, the trashing us. Bingo! He sees the light in my eyes again and he is scared. I'm thinking he is playing a game with me, and these women, but what he didn't count on is my not standing in his way. His game of control has turned on him. What will he do when I let him walk, tell him he is free to go as he has asked? I have the feeling that he will not go, he is going to try to play it off, make me feel like it's all my imagination. Then try to spend the next years of my life making me and the kids crazy. I'm going to have to find some gumption. I feel like I'm going to have to make it happen. I'm going to be the one to be the bad guy, after all this, all his nastiness, all his skirt chasing all his drunken bad behavior, I'm going to be the one he is going to make look bad. He already had these dear ladies talk to me about falling back in love with him. They have no clue who he is, not a clue... All they know is what he says when he is sober covering up being a drunk.