Sunday

Got home this morning and found one of the company business cards that I designed and printed up. On the back is "Saul xxx-x704 call- me." On the front are both his cell and our home number. The home number is crossed out with a ball point pen dug into the paper. Guess he's about to lose the 2 numbers he has written on the back. This could of course be anything... but knowing Nabal... Last night as I was leaving for work he very snidely told me to go to work to get fun. I told him his words about work were, "Is work fun?" He fired back with, "Well, if you don't like it quit. on't go in." Trust me, if I did do that eventually in the future he would find some way of making it sound like I quit and couldn't hold a job. Saw that 1 remains out of a 6-pack of Coronas. He was drinking Bud Light when I left. He just came back in from a 'beautiful' service at another church. He told the kids that he should have taken them, the crazy people were falling out again... He's still passed out at 8 am.

Saturday

So, seems Nabal is annoyed that I am working. He said he thinks the children are bored because I work all night and sleep during the day. Funny Our girl went shopping with some of her friends and Our boy stayed over at a friend's house who happen to be people we have known for years. I'l have to wait to find out what happened here last night. Nabal was also mad said he did not understand why our boy 'always' brought the protege here to drink. The boy did bring him over to Thanksgiving dinner. I'll have to delve into that more. But Nabal is the one always on the phone yet when he sees me rarely on the phone he says I'm always on the phone. Ahhh, projecting...

Thanksgiving

Worked last night. Our girl had another oral surgery, thank goodness it was early in the morning. She was fairly coherent by the time I left for school. Our boy was taking care of her as usual since Nabal is I think skittish, well, maybe just lazy. So by the time I got out of school our boy was over at a friend's house. He said our girl was doing well and he really had not wanted to leave her but Nabal insisted he go. He would have probably made it home by 10:15 from the time I was talking to him. Nabal left them as soon as he the boy got home. He was already drinking. I thought maybe he had gone to the protege's but our boy reports that the place he lives doesn't like him coming in late or having company late. Nabal told the boy he was coming right back, he came in at 3am. So maybe Paublito. Only because he took a shower this morning. He was surprised that I was going to cook a turkey... Don't I always? So he left dressed for work and I needed something from the store. I was going the same way so there he was coming out of the Shell station. Surprise, surprise! Claims he just likes the coffee. Wasn't there to see anyone... He is either compartmentalizing or figures he can lie his way out of anything I have on him. I truly hope he remembers he is leaving.

He asked when I was going to stop working. I said this job is just seasonal. He wanted to know when school was done. I told him February. He asked if I would be able to get immediate work. I told him I hoped so. He's got to remember some of it. He's got to be making plans to leave. And I know it will be in a way to make it seem like I'm the bad guy. Really I don't care. Gone is gone.

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Saturday

So, I see Nabal didn't teach last night's lesson at his church. He was initiating text to Mary... I really wonder if Isela ever sent the nudie pics?

Friday

Seems that Nabal tied one on so well the night before that he was asleep by 7 last night. I had to read through Pablito's discharge papers yesterday to find where his appointment was... yesterday. Nabal lied, (well what's new about that) He told everyone that the boy was bipolar (which was no one's business anyway), but it seems from the paperwork that he had alcohol induced psychosis. Which would mean that his second hospitalization was brought on by him drinking with Nabal. A week after he was released...

It just today, I think, dawned on me that Nabal has no friends. Well, aside from his mother. He has no friend that he hangs out with. He flits from person to person and respects none. His only criteria is that they will drink wildly with him, and when they do... he looks down on them because they are drunks. Even among his brothers he envisions himself the leader and all the rest a little lower; older or younger. I'm pretty sure his mom set that up. She would always tell everyone that he was her favorite. Well, I was his friend, until he started drinking so much, endangering the kids, and lying to me to get his way.

Thursday

Last night the children had friends over and Nabal went out and returned and was so noticeably high that the other children noticed. Lovely...

Wednesday

I should be asleep... Well, caught Nabal again. This time he actually texted our boy, who was in school to cover up his dirt. He had all the other side of Isela's conversation that went something like this- "In my phone." "You send me a picture of you without clothes first." "I want you all for myself for life, but you won't arrange that." "You belong to other women." Yeah, he's gone. Self-centered little prick. Disturbing the boy in school just so he can keep the conversations for later viewing.

Well, after all that he was rushing to church in the evening. Nuf said!

Now he's got jobs rolling in all he can think of is spending the money. He's talking about things he will buy for the kids... Last night our boy asked him to he;p make salsa and he flat out said no. And he wonders why the kids seem distant. Money doesn't buy love... or respect. From any of us.

Monday

After working more last week I noticed that Nabal has really erased all the text on his phone, even the ones that came with the loaner. He or someone must have noticed his drafts. They were there for weeks. There were so many that he was missing some when he did erase his. The one about XLounge. I would have loved to have seen his face when he saw that one. So, working more I'm not around. I was so dead tired yesterday that I crashed after Spanish church and Nabal took the kids out to a new buffet in town. They said he was flirting with the waitress. Who knows... but he needs to be careful when he is with the kids. I'm betting he thinks it makes him look cool. He was the one who opened the Spanish service and said something to the effect that people think being a Christian means acting good, but what it really means is going to church... They actually had a good amount of people yesterday. Who is conspicuously missing are all the men he brings... and proceeds to drink with. Even the ones who would not drink with him are no longer there. Hope they found good churches... Paublito was back. I know he has been working with Nabal this week. Hope he's not drinking with him. He'll be back in the hospital if he does.

Friday

Noticed something interesting that could mean something or nothing. It's getting cold and Nabal would always have coffee in the morning. I had not noticed until I started coming in early and turning on the water to heat while I wait on the kids. He has not made coffee once. I've noticed in the past that when he drinks a lot he does not really drink coffee. Or maybe he's getting it at the Shell...

Thursday

Nabal is being Nabal. The cat went to work last night and the mouse did play... Kids said he came in about 11:30 or 12am (from work) and was pretty drunk. He would not eat then suddenly had to leave. (yes... leave) to take a guy somewhere, and didn't return until 2. So, he is the one giving me the sad story that my working when he is working late leaves the kids home too late in the evening. Funny I guess he figured that they were going to sleep and they didn't need an adult in he house...

This morning Pablito was going to work with him. Something just does not feel right. I know he will have the boy drinking again and back in the psyche ward in no time. With all he has going on... Nabal is underestimating that boy... Somewhere, but I can't put my finger on just where.

Wednesday

Las night Nabal calls at about 11 and wants to know what I'm doing. I was studying. He wants to know where our boy is; he was running a friend home. "Why doesn't he answer his phone?" I told him that as a 16 year old driving he doesn't talk on the phone. Why? "I'm broke down. I ran out of gas and the little truck has a gas can. And you're too busy for me." I asked where he was and he was right down the street. I asked him where the gas cans were he said he'd have to come and find them. Ok, so where down the street? He was being cagey... So I had to dress. He called as I was turning onto the street. "Did you get the gas cans?" "No, you said you had to find them." I replied. He sounded annoyed. The police were there. He had pulled off into an old side street with the back end hanging out and the mixer somehow wrapped around. So he gets in, I could smell the alcohol. (Why can't the police?) Home, then to the gas station. The whole time he's saying he swore he had enough gas and hopes it's not a problem with the truck. He has 2- 1 gallon cans. He puts the gas in and yes... that was the problem. In pulling forward the mixer completely broke out his passenger side turn signal. The police gave him a, "You ok now buddy?" And talked for another few minutes. When he got home he is waiting at the door for me to unlock it. He has keys... He also has a beer under his arm. He's laughing to himself, "Now how did I forget to put on gas?" Let me see, he was working way uptown on the highway and was coming from the wrong direction, He passed a lot of convenience stores and gas stations to get home yet he was coming from the direction of Mary's Shell station. He immediately opened and slammed the beer and didn't want to eat.

The thing is that he has a new credit card. The credit card is supposed to be for gas. He bought food for the protege and himself the other day. He never puts gas in his trucks, and they are always running out of gas all around town. And yet he is always in a gas station... Our boy won't put more in then he needs to get some place, because Nabal will get in and run it dry.

So Isela is packing to go to Vegas. Going to the Latin Grammys. Ooo la la! Maybe he'll get to go with her next year! And at this point I'm really hoping he does. Just one text to Mary he missed because he had it at the beginning of Isela's conversation. Poor thing had to erase Mary's picture... It's ok, I still have it.

Tuesday

I knew it wouldn't take Nabal long to see the windfall that my working overnights could afford him. He had a late job and the kids said came in around 12am. He had his obligatory 24 oz Bub Light. What was odd was our girl noticed he was on the sofa, feet up giggling into the phone for a long time. Her comment was that he sounded like a teen age girl. Who knows, maybe he was talking to his mom. He still calls her every day.

Nabal came in earlier in the evening before I went to school and told us that he hadn't had time to go get the protege and Abi for lunch. (because they were so far away) He laughingly told us they had had nothing to eat the whole day. After he left I asked our boy, who frequently works for him in the summer, why they don't pack lunch. He told me that when they do Nabal makes fun of them... For someone who cares so much about how others treat him, he treats other people so callously... Unless others are watching. He really fancies himself having quite a lot of compassion.

Sunday

So, woke this morning to "Love you Baby." See the gaslight flicker?!? I have got to hold on for at least 3 more months, but I am to the point of hatred. I have only hated one other person in this world, and that person was pulling a pretty bad game on someone I loved. It took me years to get over that one, and I didn't have to live with that as closely.

His church was a joy. He was telling everyone how they had to live right. Bad things happen when you don't live right before God. All true statements, but if only they all knew what he does before he picks up people in the church bus and after he lets them off. He is the wolf.

So, young Pablito is back in the hospital. Nabal was asking the church to pray for him. Evidently he is back in the psyche ward and has been diagnosed bi-polar. So, seems he went off the deep end again. Guess drinking large quantities of alcohol with Nabal and his meds didn't mix... I knew at first there was something about that boy. And my thinking still holds- his eyes are dead and if Nabal is not careful he will be the one who brings him down... one way or another.

We ran into some other Spanish pastors and I really wonder if they know about him. After all he didn't find out about the other guy until he asked someone from another church to come to his. They had known for some time, just never said anything. Plus he does his dirt at the same store. But our Nabal is so much smarter then everyone else.



Had to do the incognito thing with Mary. No problems with the law here!

Saturday

Well Saturday started early. I have discovered why Nabal is so amiable. I think...

So, Mary finally sent him a picture. then looks like he forwarded it to CM. Weird. But he is on a campaign to get all the ladies to send him photos. He's going to send them pics if they sends theirs to him. 3 more months until I can get a real job in my new field. Well, and a little more until I can build up a cushion for me. I'm so very tired. This drinking just brings out the worst in all of us, including Nabal. He came in and turned around and went back out. Another night of drinking. I know where he's going because he didn't bother to shower and change. He'll roll in here late and be obnoxious. Such is life.

I was wrong... he had finer fish to fry. Seems he had something on me that he could use. So showered and looking like he was ready for a date. He asked me about a girl who was here all night. She is a girl friend of a friend of our boy. She is a girl who doesn't get along with other girls so hangs with the boys. They came in at a reasonable hour- our boy, another boy and the young lady in question. I went to sleep with the expectation that they would take her home. Our boy fell asleep and the others watched movies all night. When I found out it did not sit right with me. I know this girl does not live with family, but roommates, even though she is in high school and have heard that she does this frequently. All of a sudden this turned into all my fault, and my morals were called into question. This is from the drunk who will smoke dope in front of him, talk about all his past sexual conquests and tell him he should be doing more. Plus the kids know see and hear him talking to other women trying to be the lover. Yes I should have kicked them out and double checked as I fell asleep on the sofa and woke thinking they had already taken her home while I was asleep. Error in trust on my part. I went through the whole day thinking they took her home the night before. I did speak with our boy and he did try to explain that he fell asleep. I told him that was not a reasonable excuse and that that was to not happen again. Nabal yelled and explained that he would be the one in trouble if something happened. He then said that he always went to sleep at 9 because of work. Even our girl said he had not done that in more than a year. As he went to bed he, Nabal said he was leaving tomorrow so he would not be in the way...

I am going to get the kids together and explain to them that we have to be above board with everything because I think that Nabal will try to make life hard for us. He is not above calling social services to make trouble. He wants our boy to go with him when he does leave and he might get vindictive when the boy declines. Plus the three of us have to learn to work as a unit. I have been noticing recently that our boy has gathered, subconsciously a lot of traits that reek of Nabal. Like leaving things around and expecting I or his sister to pick up after him. We will have to be a team in order to make this happen and work well. Once I get going in my career I will actually have more time to spend at home and be around for the kids. Pretty much set my own hours.

This is Nabal- I was sorting and putting away socks and underwear on the bed. I left the laundry basket on the bed by accident and when I returned to the room to turn off the light Nabal was in bed asleep (passed out). Lights on and laundry basket still on the bed on top of his feet... He never helps, and now even less as I am working.

Friday

Nabal's new campaign is finding reasons why I should not be working or in school... He has all this stuff that 'needs' to be done yesterday and if I weren't working somewhere I'd be able to comply. Everything revolves around Nabal. So now he is walking looking like the poor put upon one. After the last few years of him completely ignoring us he is acting like we are the ones in the wrong. He is doing nothing different. He's just hiding it better. Even if he is a reformed man it just doesn't matter, he took the whole thing too far, I heard and saw too much, He's done too much to the kids. There is just way too much he has killed in all of us. I really think he turned around and realized that we have all moved on. Today our girl was in a fashion show- he forgot. He's trying to be huggy and I'm just not the least into it. He has said things meant to destroy me and make me feel bad about myself, and I'm not putting up with it any longer. I know he will revert back even if he does make changes, but I don't think he has any plans of making changes. I think he sees he is losing control of all of us and he is grasping at straws. No one is cowering, no one is stressed, no one is angry. We are just family that gets along and does their thing to better themselves. There is no drama, and I think he thrives on drama. We all live alongside him, but we no longer participate in his world. We have firmly planted our feet in the normal life. Now he is trying to follow, but I think it's a trick... Get me sucked back into the home body life waiting for his urgent needs, dropping everything when he wants something that could wait immediately if not sooner. Then wham, he'll come down with all his crap. The drinking, the womanizing outright, the trashing us. Bingo! He sees the light in my eyes again and he is scared. I'm thinking he is playing a game with me, and these women, but what he didn't count on is my not standing in his way. His game of control has turned on him. What will he do when I let him walk, tell him he is free to go as he has asked? I have the feeling that he will not go, he is going to try to play it off, make me feel like it's all my imagination. Then try to spend the next years of my life making me and the kids crazy. I'm going to have to find some gumption. I feel like I'm going to have to make it happen. I'm going to be the one to be the bad guy, after all this, all his nastiness, all his skirt chasing all his drunken bad behavior, I'm going to be the one he is going to make look bad. He already had these dear ladies talk to me about falling back in love with him. They have no clue who he is, not a clue... All they know is what he says when he is sober covering up being a drunk.

Thursday

So, I got in from work today and Nabal pops out of bed to talk. He was quizzing me about work then asked me what I made. Now, this is a part-time, seasonal retail job so how much does he think? He wanted me to know I had no need to work, and he does mean ever even the career I'm in school for at the moment. I told him that at least I was paying taxes so we have some paid in. He would return to the subject. I'm wondering why he was barking at me to get a job, and he was to get a part time also, and now he's telling me he can handle everything. So the kids woke up and started telling me that he had come in very, very drunk and was mad and talking to himself and what he repeated over and over until he passed out was, "That's it! I'm not going to let her go to work anymore." Nabal is playing some game here that I can not figure out. He has not stopped texting and playing the field with either Isela or Mary.

This is so reminiscent of him suggesting, in fact insisting I get my car. After I liked it and bought it he immedietly disliked it and wanted me to sell it.

Tuesday

So... Nabal is really living up to his name. He had our boy and his friend working with him today as they have the day off from school. He also had the protege and Hector from church who he happens to have known for years even longer than he's known me. So when our boy and Mario his friend got there Nabal and the protege took off and were to be back in a 'few' minutes. That was around 3:30 ish. He called me at 5:15 and I called him back at 5:50 as I was in the shower and getting ready for school. e asked was I going to school and working. He mentioned that he was worried about our girl being home alone as he was working late. Our boy told me this morning that Nabal had not returned to the job by that time. And when he did return he and the protege were giggling and red eyed. High as kites. Our boy assured me that he d his friend had been working steadily for Hector the whole time Nabal had been away. So, Nabal sent our boy to get our girl. e then sent all of them for food when they returned. It was all fairly convoluted as the place they sent the kids was closed, but they got food. Our boy asked everyone whether they wanted food and Nabal was the only one who declined. When they returned with food Nabal demanded to know where his food was. The boy reminded him he said he wanted nothing. He, in a very nasty tone said that he had told our boy to get him something. His friend who grew up with an alcoholic said in no uncertain terms that Nabal had specifically said he wanted nothing. Nabal finally shut up about it and sent our boy to get him some food. When he returned Nabal pitched a baby when there was no straw. lamed the boy, who had gone through the drive through. Nabal then dismissed them and spoke in a very threatening voice and told them they needed to leave NOW! Our boy said it was a very offensive tone. He was lucky to have a friend there, the boy was able to tell him that no it was not his imagination, what he heard was a very offensive tone of voice. I still have to find out where our girl was during all this. She has a penchant for filming things like this. He got nasty with them again and ran them off. Our boy said they came in and Nabal was out until 1am. When I got in Nabal was still sleeping that deep drugged sleep. Our boy was up because he had hives. We don't know why. I wonder if anything was in the walls, if it was something he ate, or if it was nerves.

I truly thought I would never be able to check Nabal's phone, but he was still passed out so I did. Funny, he jumped out of bed and shot off in his truck. No warm up, no nothing. There was frost today. So... CM sent him another picture with music. and Isela had greeted him at 6:40 something yesterday evening. He kinda in a nice way got on me, saying he thought I didn't have to work last night. He said, "I thought you only had to Monday and Wednesday." I told him, "Yesterday was Monday. Are you losing days?) His reply, "I'm losing everything.) How right Nabal is. He chased everything good away a long time ago.