Saturday

Today I think I am seeing a glimpse of how much my husband hates me. He has been sober as far as I can tell at least as far as alcohol goes. He's smokin' like a banshee. Let me see, in spite of him suddenly telling me "I love you." a bunch. His actions are saying otherwise.As of today he erased evidence of the 2 text to the 825 number during and after church. We went to dinner with a our boy, his girlfriend R and a neighbor's nephew (his birthday was yesterday and he's from the islands) During dinner the conversation about the time our boy had really long hair came up. He asked his father to see the pictures in his phone to enhance the story. Nabal reached hesitated then did it again. His expression was very odd. Luckily I have very good peripheral vision so he did not catch me looking at him. Then he said the oddest thing, "You know, I have to get those pictures out of my phone... it's almost going." (his way of saying it was dying.) Then he resumed eating. Because I did not mention that I had noticed his new phone and did not screw with obvious settings. He decided to lie. Like he was pretending he didn't have a new phone. I have become a master of the mask and gave no clue that the conversation registered with me. I had just checked his phone while he showered but he keeps it on silent and face down. He really is a very good liar... why would he lie about this? Like I said he tells the truth about nothing.

He decided we should all go for a walk downtown. He was very insistent and after being there and seeing how he was searching the crowd am pretty sure he was looking for a glimpse of someone. Walking back he had an odd smile on his face. One of those memory smiles. I tried to nonchalantly ask what he was smiling about. He explained something about measuring off sidewalk squares. When we got to the car he asked rather as a challenge, "So, what did you think I was smiling about? Can you answer that?" I gave a plausible answer in a conciliatory tone and he backed down. The we had to drive to someone's house. He was giving me directions all the way. I go there all the time to ferry kids, maybe he forgot... We found the place and some instructions were given isn Spanish with the letter 'A' as part of it he turned to me and translated it into English in a condescending voice. I SPEAK SPANISH!!! He does this all the time. Like knowing I am going out to do one thing and upon returning he asks if I remembered to do it.

I found his phone finally. He left it in the basement under the coffee table. I saw this morning at around 10:30 he took pictures of himself in his truck. Wow, didn't send me one. Didn't send our boy one.

It finally hit me. I have been blaming all this on his drinking, the alcoholism. He has been sober through the last couple of days and seems to have escalated his lying. He wrote that text sober. Probably high on weed and whatever. I know that with the amount and frequency he has been drinking his system will probably be saturated for 6 months if he makes it that far. But I think he is just a narcissistic liar. I am useful for the time being and he will say whatever it takes, play whatever mind games it takes to keep me pliable to his needs. He is on the hunt big time. If he gets a replacement I will be history, an old worn out shoe. This is hate in action, not love. To lie and manipulate your wife so you can pursue a piece of tail...

Funny thing, now that I know he consummated his relationship. I know why the girl has been giving him the run around...:-) You figure that one out! Don Juan is all talk and flash, no amount of ladies' wrinkle cream can fix why that girl won't give him the time of day after a romp in the hay.