It's kinda sad when you son text you excited that Nabal chose a Life Water over beer and liked it at 7:00 and by 11 beer was flowing. Poor man just can't stop himself. I guess he realized I changed the call back number closer to his number. He finally texted me. Gas lighting is no fun, nor is being passive aggressive. Almost 6 months in school, almost half over... I've just got to escape with my sanity, and hopefully my home. God help me.
I was reading some on how people involved in infidelity engage in gas lighting to have their cake and eat it too. How much more an alcoholic involved in infidelity. I'm gaining strength. I'm growing again. I was strong. Where did it go? Why did I let it happen. I know I have issues and I need to deal with them, grieve them and leave them behind. I want so to just be free again. To not have to pretend. To reclaim my life. Long ago Nabal and I had a future, but slowly that vision faded. I can not envision growing old like this. I like people and Nabal likes different people. He choses people that he can control and despises those he can not. He is a shallow little man. I once thought, "He is 10 ft. tall and old and wise. He has succumbed to his childhood, like it was his destiny. Maybe it is... Maybe it was all a mirage I invented. Maybe, no probably he has been who he is all along and I tried to see the good and he believed my dream until he saw reality.
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