Puzzle Pieces

Today...today. Nabal was trying to overdo. He was solicitous to a fault. Did I want this, did I want that. He would make anything I wanted. Nabal has never been that way. He's trying to curry favor. I'm in the position that if I accept anything...I'd hear a litany of the things he did for me. Things I don't appreciate. Oh gosh! My mother played that game! She'd go buy something, something I didn't like. Them she'd go through how much time she'd spent looking, and I didn't appreciate it. I'd tell her I appreciated her looking...I just didn't like the item. Most of the time I would... Guilt trip!

Sorry for the side trip.

I stood my ground. Told him there was no future for us. His only answer was: but, I love you. I stopped drinking nd I won't drink anymore. It made my brain sick.

I'm going to dissect this. His drinking started in earnest about 7 years ago, and it has steadily exhilarated. 7 years...no wonder I'm tired of all this. He has just blamed any and all unsavory actions on alcohol. Dubbed it a sickness. Now he's absolved! His actions have saddened him. Saddened him?! How much more the children and I! And his controlling behavior predates the heavy drinking.

I'm unforgiving, yet he was still throwing 20 year old lies in my face. All throughout our marriage he brought up the same old crap. He would go back to before we were dating...

But I love you...

This was always his cure all. Whenever he blew he'd come around with: That's ok...I still love you. Yup, it was ringing hollow even then, but I was in a bad frame of mind...

His problem? Its not working like it used to. He almost lost it today...because it wasn't working. He tried to say he didn't know why feared talking to me and speaking his mind. Bingo! Mr. Bancroft's victim personality!

I've kicked the bottle for a week, got religion and said, "I love you." Come to papa!

"Can we go to marriage counseling?" "No." "Can we go talk to you pastor Chad?" "Sure!" (My pastor has heard the whole and seen 14 years of damaged goods come in his church and sing by his side. Yeah we can talk to him. He knows the worse stuff already.) I think Nabal picked up on that and followed up with- "Can we have a family meeting? You, me and the kids." "Yeah sure."

I'm assuming he'll forget, but what does he think the kids are going to say? Some days I think they are more sick of this than I am. In the past 2 years they have seen more than I have. He can't believe we'll all forget. Well...I guess he can. I think he's hoping to hold something over one or both their heads so they'll agree with him. Like we can vote on thus crazy crap and he'll have me back home, not working, and under his thumb. No!