Thursday

I'm rest broken. Nabal was very drunk every night I was home. His new thing is to come downstairs late at night to profess his undying love...

How the heck does he drink till 3 every night, yet can still get up early every morning?! That two ended candle has to come with a steep price...

Last night was not good... Nabal kept coming downstairs, and every time with a different personality. It started with him advising me that I was his wife. Also that I had to have his approval to go anywhere. WTH? He immediately chuckled and said he was joking. Just odd.

He came back later stumbling. Sat down and tried to hug me. Saying again I was his wife and he wanted me in his life. Then he started going on and on about sex. Suddenly he said I belonged to him... Then got very handsie, aggressive and groping. I pushed him away and said stop. He did desist, then asked why I was always so mad. Why I was always hitting and slapping him. ??? That did make me mad! I told him I had never hit or slapped him. He said, you just did, you're abusive. I said (minds working putting it all together) I pushed you away, I did not hit you nor slap you, nor have I ever. From there he went on to say I was the problem. He was going to get me the way he wanted and I'd be happy. I was stuck in a hole and he wasn't going to stay stuck there with me. He was leaving!

He stomped off upstairs where I heard much coming and going from his room and out the front door. It got quiet then I heard him stir again. He again came back downstairs... I love you baby. Please please please come sleep with me tonight. Huh?

Game explanation: scare me, try to make me feel I'm the bad abuser. Return the benevolent accepting wronged lover. He disappeared and pass out. Thank goodness!

Move to today:
There was a coat thrown in a chair in the living room that was unfamiliar to me. I asked my girl if it was her brother's. (I was a little put out that he'd left it crumpled there.) She said she did not know. I said I'd ask my boy. (He purchased good coats this winter and I was going to get on him for not taking care of them.) Shopping tonight with both of them it came to my mind. He said it was not his, but want acting quite right. I continued to ask until he cracked.

Over the weekend he had been standing in front of the house talking with some of his friends. (it's what you do when your dad is a drunk who feels the need to commander all the young men to teach them manliness in off color stories) Some woman walking down three street stopped to ask them for a cigarette. While giving her one they saw Nabal come bouncing out the house. "And who is this pretty lady?" My boy explained that the woman was neither pretty, nor a lady. She was by sight a crack addict. Next thing you know he took her in our house. Later another woman joined them. (for a little party) At 3a.m. Nabal had our boy drive one of the women to a bootleg beer place. He said once he got back he had to sleep. He figured if the crack whores wanted to steal anything they just would... At 5a.m. Nabal was needing more beer... One crack head slept on the sofa...the other one? No one knows.

He knew they were crack heads as they were talking about crack, and one was itchy and cold. My girl said when she saw them come in...she knew it was time for her to go. Did she? Yes she did- went and spent the night with a friend.

Of course he will deny everything. Next week I will ask him who's coat it is. Just like I know nothing. Just to see what he'll say.

Again I repeat- his ONLY love is alcohol. Not family, not his own character. (who you are when you think no one its watching)

Now what? Do I need to put up cameras? In my state, unless I have physical proof, there is no adultery.

He and Isela still talk often. She, not realizing Nabal had given his smart phone to our boy when his broke, sent her picture to him. Imagine his surprise! At least she was clothed this time...

And yet Nabal says he does nothing wrong ever!

I still can't figure if the kids were trying to protect Nabal or my feelings... They shouldn't have to do either.

Nabal is opening a deli in a gas station. He has a friend doing all the work. I told him now her really needs a bookkeeper. Maybe once he realizes he no longer needs me to do that for him, he'll move on.

All this comes at a time when I was feeling frustrated, tired and wondering if I were in the wrong. Every time I get to this point, something comes along to prove I'm not wrong in my thinking, remembrances and beliefs. It's just taking so dang long to be done with all of this.