8:30 a.m.
When I arrived last night I assumed Nabal was asleep. (yes, yes, I'm the ass)
I heard Nabal come in the backdoor, crashing through the kitchen. I could tell he was very drunk by the amount of things banging against walls and hitting the floor. Down the steps he came giggling to the basement. I noticed the light going on. I didn't know the hour, but I did know it was late. I thought he would realize that and go up to his bed and pass out. He didn't. "I wanted to be good tonight when you got in, but I messed up. I'm real drunk! Can I sleep with you? I love you. Can I kiss you?" Them it got more graphic accompanied by the blocking of his hands and pushing him away... I heard snoring...passed out.
I got my glasses and looked at the time- 3:40 a.m. and now I'm awake! I shoved him off my legs, he never stirred, stuck there half off the sofa propped by the coffee table at his knees. He was very pale..
Awake and mad as hell, his phone was in the wrong place...
He's paying people to bring the protege back...poor guy. And Nabal struck up a conversation with, and is asking pictures of and trying to get the protege's sister to come up too! Poor girl...he'd kill their whole family.
I thought Nabal was in the backyard and had probably passed out there, from all the nose. He then awakened, and staggered inside. I remember thinking to myself that it was probably the last night he risked the chance of freezing to death, passed out in his truck. When I went out to take the boy to work his now battered truck was behind my truck.
He could barely walk, passed out almost as soon as he came in, awoke a short time later and went upstairs to his bed- passing out yet again. All this considered, he had driven his truck home...I think. He asked if I'd seen one of his workers outside. Its snowing.
He was awake when I got back. He, wanted a big hug. I brushed by. He started pouting and asking why I was mean. Yeah not much patience in me right now. When I angrily replied, he 'good Naturedly' laughed at my... 'making much ado about nothing.' He asked if he weren't nice when he woke me up. He just kept chuckling. Finally he stated that I talked to him. He does see what he wants to see. Then stated he 'thought' he was still drunk. Ya think?!
He followed me back downstairs asking where he'd left his coat. His keys. His hat. Funny...he never mentioned his phone! Give me a kiss goodbye! No. He's looking for a wife to mommy his drunkenness.
I'm just recording this craziness. I never mention it to anyone anymore. I'm sure most people think I'm crazy. I have just pushed a few away. I felt I was letting them down too.
Last week Nabal decided we needed to date again. I decided not. Nabal asked if I 'liked him' still. I told him he'd made himself pretty unlikable the past few years. He was in shock! Did I really think that?! He didn't see it. He was never leaving me. Again with the wanting to die together. He wanted me to see him die. He would win me back... Let me tell you how that talk chills the blood. He's going to live his reality until I give up... But what is the alternative? What will he do if I push my reality into reality? Will he get dangerous? He's shown that side before without actually laying a finger on me... I don't have friends or family. Yes I'm back on Facebook...under duress. People take that so personally when you leave. I'm back, but checking it so minimally that Facebook sends me emails to get me to look! My big break was really my last push off to a best friend. No one knows how to help and things just get weird... Being back there still feels all wrong. I don't feel sociable. In the old days you could push people away and not have to see their lives go on. Ahh, the misfit toy laments.
Time to end this. I'm rest broken and over thinking my pity pay.
